These Are The Issues Affecting Grandparents The Most As They Age

With the cost of child care averaging 27% of family income, parents are frequently turning to grandparents to carry part of the load. Grandparents may find themselves caring for grandchildren part time or even full time. They may also be asked to help families meet the costs of child care or preschool, often their biggest household expenses. 

“For some grandparents, they share with me that they are offering a lot of care, support or gifts (financial or otherwise) to grandchildren without much recognition or appreciation from the grandchildren’s parents,” Regina Koepp, a clinical geropsychologist and founder of the Center for Mental Health & Aging, told HuffPost. 

Even grandparents living on limited incomes feel the pull of supporting their children and grandchildren, sometimes at the expense of their own needs or desires.

“I’ve worked with some grandparents caught in the dilemma between providing financial support for their progeny versus going on a bucket list trip or even something more practical like putting off house repairs,” Koepp said. 

Proactive, honest communication is the key to avoiding conflicts and hurt feelings. For financial requests, family members should explain their needs and ask how much, if anything, a grandparent feels able to contribute. Agree on the amount of the gift, how often it will be made, and to whom. (There may be tax advantages for a grandparent who makes tuition payments directly to a preschool, for example.) Discuss how long you will need these payments so that grandparents can manage their budgets. 

If a grandparent is providing child care, the discussion will need to be thorough and ongoing. What are your family’s needs? What can a grandparent realistically provide, in the short or long term? What hours are they willing and able to take on this responsibility? Will you compensate them in any way or cover child-related expenses that may arise? Where will the care take place: your home or theirs? What are your ground rules regarding food, screen time, sleep, and more? 

Even if you’re not paying them for the care they provide, don’t forget about incidental expenses, which may add up fast. 

“The most obvious stressor that the grandparents report is financial. Because many grandparents are on a fixed income, the idea of having to be responsible financially for one or more grandchildren, whether part of the day, week or for an extended amount of time, can be incredibly stressful,” Nona Kelly, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Tennessee, told HuffPost. 

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