“I Ended Up Poisoning Myself With A Cream Puff, So I Had A Very Legit Excuse To Go Home” 21 Utterly Terrible First Dates

2.

“I went out for drinks with this guy.”

“We’re heading out and I go to call an Uber, but I suddenly had to pee really badly. The bar was closing, so they wouldn’t let me back inside. The guy invited me to use the bathroom at his apartment, which was a block away. We quickly shuffle over to his place and, when he opens the door, there are hundreds of lit candles everywhere. I ask if his roommate is home, but he’s out of town. 

So this guy lit all these candles in anticipation of me coming over and left them unattended for hours. He points me towards the bathroom and I go use it. While washing my hands, I notice two things. There’s a large butcher’s knife next to the sink and there is a puddle of what I can only assume to be urine surrounding his tub drain. 

I finish what I’m doing and go to head out. The bathroom door is wedged shut. I spend about 10 minutes knocking, trying to get the guy’s attention. Eventually he hears me and says, ‘Oh yeah, I should have warned you not to close the door.’ After what felt like forever, we were able to get the door unwedged. I tell him I have to get home and make my exit. 

While I’m outside waiting for my Uber, this guy creeps up behind me and just stands there. I have no idea how long he was standing there. But as the Uber pulls up, he pulls me backwards and attempts to kiss me, but he was much taller than me, so I only got smothered by his insane beard. I pull away and get in the Uber. My poor driver was like, ‘Girl, you’re safe with me. Tell me everything.’ She was horrified, lol. Needless to say, there was no second date.”

–c0ry8