“If it’s early in the relationship, you shouldn’t be moving in,” she said, answering a fan-submitted question from someone who’s considering moving in with a guy she’s been dating for a year. “I don’t care how much money he has or doesn’t have. You don’t know him yet!”
Putting aside the financial benefits of coinhabiting with a partner, Michelle said simply, “You don’t do anything that serious in an early part of a relationship.” “What are you gonna do when you find out that he lied about something? Or you find out that he’s different from who you thought he is… Now you have a contract with him,” she said. “Why on earth would anybody think to do that early in a relationship, you know? Wait a couple of years.”
“It takes time to have somebody fully reveal themselves to you over time, to know whether or not your affections and your feelings stand the test of time. There are so many tests you need in a relationship,” she continued, suggesting that it’s a good idea to travel abroad with someone before you think about moving in, or to spend the holidays with their family and see what their home dynamic is like. “Of course, there are exceptions…But my recommendation is always: Take some time. Make moving in way down the line.”
As Michelle said, everyone’s circumstances are different, but she certainly makes some very valid points. And now the podcast clip has made it over to Reddit, where fans have their own thoughts on the debate. Tons of people are in complete agreement with Michelle; however, some have suggested that moving in with someone relatively early in your relationship is actually a fast-track way of figuring out if you’re gonna work in the long run.
“You truly get to know someone when you live together. Moving in together really does test a relationship for longevity, and it will either make or break it,” one user wrote, while someone else suggested that “you miss red flags while dating that you just can’t ignore when you’re living together.”
“I agree that money shouldn’t be the only reason to move in, however, I wouldn’t date someone for years before moving in together,” echoed someone else. “I think it could be a good trial run into the way a person really is or their habits. Also depends on age, dating in your 30s is different than when you’re 21.”
Although it’s fair to say that not everyone agrees. On the other side of the debate, someone asked: “Why are you living with/marrying someone you’ve barely seen in adverse situations? There’s so many tests you need in a relationship…You don’t know how they treat children, don’t know how they react when everything goes wrong in a day. Just fucking chill for a bit, let the new love phase pass, and let their real selves, not their polished selves, come out.”
Talking specifically about moving in together to save on rent, another person wrote: “If the main reason you’re moving in is financial survival, that can create dependency before you even know if you’re truly compatible. I’ve seen situations where people ignored red flags because they didn’t have another place to go. A romantic partner shouldn’t become your housing plan. That’s a lot of pressure on something that’s still developing. If you’ve built a solid foundation and moving in feels like the next step, that’s different. But using cohabitation as a financial shortcut can make it much harder to leave if things turn unhealthy.”
Sooo, where do you guys stand on this? As someone in my late 20s, it’s certainly a hot topic, so I’d love to get your thoughts. In the meantime, you can listen to the full episode of IMO with Michelle Obama & Craig Robinson here.