
12.
“I just had this conversation with my mother, who’s been married for 30-plus years. Here’s what she wants and needs to feel pursued.”
“Emotional safety, consistently. A messy house and a lack of flowers are neither here nor there. She wishes that she could go to her husband and say ‘this thing is really bothering me,’ and him not exploding (even on her behalf, not necessarily at her) and just being another thing she has to mitigate. It’s so ridiculously attractive for someone to apologize unprompted, to say, ‘You’ve been seeming distant lately. Let’s sit down right now and talk about what you’re feeling and what I can do.’ To reflect what you’re telling them, make space for your feelings, and not immediately get defensive. So yeah, she’d say ‘proactively make me feel emotionally safe.'”
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