6.
“I was the most awful person in my early 20s, especially in dating. I had a rough childhood. Nobody modeled any values for me (honesty, integrity, and vulnerability, to name a few I had to teach myself). That left me with abandonment issues, an anxious attachment style, and depression. When you date someone like me, they’ll end up codependent on you. That also led to extreme jealousy, manipulation, and cheating. Beyond everything else, there was an absolute lack of accountability on my part. Everything was either my partner’s fault or my parents’ fault for not raising me better. Anyway, I ended up hurting someone badly — someone who really loved me in the purest, kindest way.”
After, I fumbled this guy I really liked. We were truly compatible, but he was older and a lot more emotionally mature. He had told me if he stayed with me, he’d be repeating the same mistakes he’d learned to move on from. That stuck with me. I was a mistake someone was trying not to repeat.”
“I lost a lot of my friends because I was so toxic and truly just wrapped everyone into my drama. But especially when you’re attractive, you tend to be able to get away with a lot of it. I always knew something was wrong with me. I knew the things I felt weren’t normal or healthy.
It took a few years to give a name to my issues and observe them. Then, later came my ability to actively work on them. I only was ever really able to grow when I had periods of being single and alone. Lots of journaling, reflecting, and learning self-vulnerability. Also — sobriety. I’m not perfect, but holy crap am I a better person.
Life really will keep repeating the same lessons until you learn them. Watching my growth happen once I watched myself not make those same mistakes. And then this really cool thing happens where the universe always rewards me once I overcome something that has hindered me in the past.”
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