It didn’t take long for women to start sharing these sad realities. So, here are some of the most SMH moments:
1.
“My husband brought me up a cup of coffee whilst I was WFH and on a Zoom call. People on the call were literally like ‘Woah, gurl you got him whipped!’ And ‘Where do I get service like this?’ A few weeks later, a colleague told me she told her boyfriend about this, and he told her there was no chance any guy would do this. I mean, it’s just a nice thing he does every day when he makes his own coffee, and it’s something that I appreciate, but he’s not saving the world, is he?”
2.
“I was on a second date with a guy, and I let him know I wouldn’t be sleeping with him and that I wanted something serious. He told me he’d still be walking me home. When we got to my place, I let him in (silly, I know, but I trusted him). As he was leaving my apartment, he saw I had this thingy that needed installing. He immediately said he could take care of it for me if I wanted to. I remember just being in shock and couldn’t speak. I wasn’t ready for a guy to be nice without the promise of sex. I did the ‘no, no, it’s fine,” and he asked me how long it had been waiting to be installed. When I told him a couple of months, he insisted on it. TBH, I was flabbergasted that he kept being so nice and respectful.”
3.
“I was amazed by him not requiring me to be hairless at all times, like my exes had.”
4.
“When I started dating men after exclusively dating women for most of my 20s. I realized how much I was going to have to lower my standards for basic human decency if I wanted to actually have a relationship with a guy. It got to the point where I said, ‘If this guy asks me more than three questions about myself on this date, then I will go on a second date.”
5.
“When he willingly went down on me and enjoyed it, and cared about how I was feeling. I thought he was the best lover ever, but it should be the bare minimum.”
6.
“My tall brother carries his toddler more than his wife does, and my aunt believes that makes her a lazy mom. My cousin was also shocked to learn my brother actually changes his child’s diapers.”
7.
“I had a really brutal week, and my boyfriend packed me lunch one day. He literally just put some leftovers in Tupperware for me. Everyone at work told me that he was an amazing man because he did that. They literally talked about it for a year. When they saw him at a work function, they would bring it up to him.”
8.
“When I started thinking, ‘at least he didn’t send a dick pic’ whenever weird men would text me.”
9.
“When I told some people that I left my boyfriend of a couple of months because he screamed and threw something at me, and the men looked puzzled that that was my reason.”
10.
“When I was repeatedly physically assaulted by boys in elementary school, and the teachers shrugged it off and said, ‘It’s because he likes you!’ My eyes were opened to the BS double standards from then on, and they only got worse as I got older.”
11.
“When I thought I had it pretty good because my husband doesn’t spend hours playing video games and ignore me because so many other women complain about this.”
12.
“The different standards in appearance, hygiene (even teeth brushing), body hair or lack thereof, and weight for men versus women. A guy can straight up look like a bridge troll and not scrub his buttcrack or his fat folds during his once-a-month shower but expect his girlfriend to be perfect.”
13.
“When I was 12 and complained that my brother (18 months older) always did a shit job on his chores, but mine had to be perfect. My mom even made me redo his.”
14.
“I always knew things were different…but it is REALLY pronounced when my husband and I became parents. And we both noticed. If he takes my kiddo anywhere, people will come up and shower him in compliments. If I take my kiddo anywhere, I get more ‘advice,’ criticism, or side glances than compliments — if I’m noticed at all. Like, we praise the bare minimum for men, but then criticize women unless they are absolutely perfect (and even then…).”
15.
“I realized the bar was low once I figured out how many men think that arrested development, learned helplessness, and weaponized incompetence are cute quirks. When men endearingly call themselves ‘idiots’ whenever they make blunders in relationships… blunders that probably wouldn’t happen if they exercised the slightest bit of forethought/empathy. The bar’s gotta be pretty low if we’re holding men to the same standard as literal children — or more accurately, they’re holding themselves to that standard, and we’re expected to follow suit.”
16.
“When a colleague of mine was reported and disciplined for bullying and sexual harassment. My boss (also male) commented on the situation as follows: ‘I feel sorry for him because it can’t be fun for him that the women here don’t want to work with him…'”
17.
“At the beginning of the relationship with my partner, he would initiate things like cooking dinner and cleaning up afterwards. I profusely thanked him for being so thoughtful, and he was shocked that it was such a big deal to me. In his eyes, he was just doing things that needed to be done. That’s when I realized what a low bar I had been holding.”
How about you? Was there ever an “aha” moment where you realized just how low the bar was for men? Let us know in the anonymous comments form below, and your response may be featured in a follow-up post.