Well, fam. Let’s get right into this one. A 29-year-old woman who has three boys under the age of five just found out she is pregnant again…
Buuuuuuut, she is now going viral for making an honest confession on Reddit: “I had gender disappointment with our third, but got through it pretty quickly. I think I’m having such a hard time with this one because we were pretty solid that this would be our last baby. The concrete thought that I will have four boys is hitting me hard.”
She continues, “Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys with my whole heart, and I’m glad we’re having another healthy baby. It’s just so hard to picture the life I thought I’d have with a girl. Taking her to dance class, braiding her hair, taking her to buy prom dresses…and now knowing all of those kinds of things are never going to happen. Everyone keeps saying things like, ‘You’re a great boy mom,’ ‘Being a boy mom isn’t that bad,’ ‘You should just be thankful you have four happy, healthy children,’ and ‘You can borrow my daughter if you want to do girl things.’ I don’t want to borrow someone else’s daughter. I want my own daughter.”
“There are also people saying, ‘You’re young, just have another baby.’ I truly do not want another baby. Four is a lot, and the fourth isn’t even here yet! Not that I wouldn’t be able to handle another, but FIVE children?! And what happens if that one is another boy, and I have to do this cycle all over again? Not to mention, I really don’t love the feeling of being pregnant. I am so thankful that I have healthy boys, but I can still be disappointed that I don’t have a daughter. Just needed a place to spill my feelings,” she concluded in the thread.
Right away, people jumped in to share their thoughts:
“I had three boys and a princess. My princess is now a large adult trans man. I have so many boys, I even got a bonus boy. Genitals shouldn’t matter when it comes to your kids.”
“I mean…for what it’s worth, even if this fourth child had been a girl, there’s no guarantee she’d have any interest in humouring any of the reasons you gave for your current gender disappointment. (Which is interest in dance classes or having you braid her hair, going to prom, or wanting to wear a dress for it, etc.)”
“Children don’t exist to fulfill their parents’ wishes and fantasies about parenthood. Having a kid because of all the things YOU want to do seems really selfish to me. Don’t set your kid up to be a disappointment.”
“You may have a son who loves to dance, cook, and do a lot of typically ‘girl’ coded things. You could have had a daughter who hated all the princess stuff. I’m sorry your child’s sex isn’t what you expected, but maybe that means they can be exactly who they are supposed to be without the weight of those expectations.”
“You can be a great MIL to a woman one day. Sons are just as amazing as daughters. My mother-in-law (the loveliest person alive, btw) is the mother of three sons (now adults), and she’s delighted that she has her own three daughters in the form of three daughters-in-law who are all different and unique to the last. She’s become the mother I never had, so OP, this could very much be your future ❤️.”
“My grandmother wanted a boy so bad that she had seven kids, the last of which was a boy. Then she spoiled him and ignored all her daughters. Fucked them up bad. I have a feeling that if you had a girl, it might be the golden child due to your fantasies of what it is like to have a daughter rather than about the child itself. Children are not just accessories or blueprints to inflict your wants on.”
And, lastly, one mom did sympathize by sharing her own story: “I was convinced I was having a girl. For years, I thought I would be a girl mom and could not imagine having a boy. I’m also hyper independent and knew I would raise a kick ass girl who would know her worth. Imagine my surprise when I was told I was having a boy. The gender disappointment stayed with me throughout my entire pregnancy. I envied every pregnant lady that was having a girl. I cried every time I saw a cute girl outfit. Knowing I would never have a daughter crushed me. But, when I saw my boy, everything was right. He’s the most amazing human. I match our outfits, we just got matching shoes, we laugh, and play with cars. I was never supposed to have a girl, but I was meant to raise a boy that girls don’t have to heal from. Knowing we’re raising the next generation of men makes me feel better, but I’ll always miss the girl I’ll never have. Your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone!”
If you have any thoughts you want to add, please do so in the comments!
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