I love the times we live in, truly, but sometimes I wish someone could just Control+Z the internet out of my life for a day.
I’ve tried to picture what I’d even do if WiFi vanished overnight—no Instagram, no random 2 a.m. Googling, no doomscrolling—and all I could imagine was hanging out outside like a Victorian child who’s just discovered “fresh air.” Eating, drinking, playing our favourite games without stopping mid-bite to take a photo? WILD.
So I went to Reddit (ironically) to see what everyone else would do in this Great Internet Apocalypse, and the answers… honestly sent me. From people planning to immediately touch grass, literally stepping outside and putting their bare feet on a lawn like it’s a spiritual awakening, to someone fully ready to start a landline-installation empire like it’s 1998 again, the replies swung between funny and beautifully simple.
Here they are in all their simple, silly, and honestly kind of perfect glory:
1.
“Head down to my storage locker and open the box labeled ‘in case of 80s open this box’. I’m not sure what’s in it. Hopefully it’s 8tracks, VHS, and a sweet windbreaker.”
2.
“Take pictures of my coffee and croissant, print pictures and manually hand out printouts to strangers because how else will everyone know I was at that cute little cafe?”
3.
“Probably spend the first hour trying to reload the apocalypse. Then look for a payphone (wait… do they still exist?) to cancel all those forgotten subscriptions and autopayments. And then just stand there… realizing the silence feels more human than the internet ever did. Honestly, it might be kind of amazing… we’d finally look up, meet real people, smile, flirt, and actually talk again.”
4.
“I’d call up friends for a game night! Nothing beats good old-fashioned fun and face-to-face conversations.”
5.
“All the folks in my road would be standing around outside talking (we do that a lot in good weather anyway) and I can believe we’d look after each other. A few of us have bicycles so we could get about even when the car computers shut down the vehicles cos they can’t contact their central computer. Also fuel delivery would stop from day 1 so bikes would be a huge resource.”
6.
“Drive to the bank and get as much out as I could, realize I can’t get anything, panic, fill water jugs, plug in devices and get as ready as I can.”
7.
“Try and remember how many book recommendations I saved across social media.”
8.
“Buy lots of maps, buy a cordless phone, phone book and reinstall a land line phone and get cable installed as well. Also need to haul the discs for all the Xbox games, DVDs and Blu rays out of storage and fire up the Xbox to watch movies and play video games. Also if you’ve lived in the same city for ten years or longer then congratulations your new side hustle just became pizza delivery driver since you are one of the few people in your city who can navigate in your city without GPS.”
9.
“Party like it’s 1999.”
10.
“Listen to the sound of my husband going SEE?!? I TOLD YOU!!! While he enthusiastically points at the gigantic DVD collection I’ve been teasing him about for the last ten years or so.”
11.
“Print a paper resume and prepare a firm handshake, because asking for the hiring manager is back in style!”
12.
“Go buy a shit ton of letter paper, envelopes and pens or pencils cause we’re bout to be back to snail mail communication for a hot minute.”
13.
“Look for a physical copy of the Epstein files instead.”
14.
“Celebrate with the bottle of champagne I was saving for a certain politician being removed from power.”
15.
“Take the dog outside and feed the cat like every other day. I just will have to grab the shampoo bottle before I sit down on the toilet, like we used to do.”
16.
“Rebuild memes I can remember. Put in a book. Make millions. Maybe start a meme magazine.”
17.
“Find a book about gardening and buy some seeds, cause the world about to collapse.”
18.
“Pick up my old watercolor brushes and use my imagination. Old school. Maybe go drink from a garden hose. Take a walk. Watch all the imbeciles freak out. Enjoy nature.”
19.
“I would write down any address of persons I know. Then I would write them and invite them to listen to my vinyl collection that’s somewhere under a cm of dust.”
20.
“I would call my children and ask them to help me fix the internet. The internet didn’t exist until I was in my teens, so I lived with corded phones, no caller ID, face to face communication, paper maps and atlases, 8 track/cassette tapes and shopping in an actual grocery store for yourself. I’m pretty sure once my children explained to me that the world was coming to an end, I’d grab some tea, take my morning meds, let my pups out, set up my paints and work on something new.”
21.
“Start selling Local LLM (AI) USB drives. It basically has the knowledge of the internet stored on it.”
22.
“Start spreading wild lies and cackle as no one has the ability to instant fact check everything.”
23.
“Go outside and play “chase the wheel with a stick”. Or whatever it’s called.”
24.
“I would have to start arguing with people in real life.”
25.
“Start a new business installing phones in homes… It’s about to be a boom in business!!”
26.
“Mourn all the recipes I could have done. You know what I think I’m just gonna write down a few of them tonight, just in case.”
27.
“Go try to find a set of encyclopedias.”
28.
“Go grab a six pack, drink it, and book a flight to somewhere tropical over a landline telephone.”
29.
“Throw my smart phone away and get a flip phone and rejoice.”
30.
“The first thing I’d do is probably throw a softball and get my mojo back, then build a custom closet. I’d like to follow with a cheesecake, go to bed and wake up to create something with my hands the next morning like gardening, sigh in happiness that the day is mine as I choose, and make chili.”
31.
“Go outside and finish working on my ‘70s pickup. I won’t be distracted anymore and with technology disappearing suddenly like that, I’ll be happy to drive something without a computer in it.”
32.
“Finish organizing and indexing my board game collection. Time to finally play all the games on my shelf of shame.”
33.
“Find my slr and take photos of family and friends.”
34.
“Delight that I’ve hoarded media. Sell episodes of obscure TV shows at a reasonably- acceptable post-internet rate. Or barter, I dunno.”
35.
“Remember it’s 4:30 in the afternoon and go for a skate.”
36.
“Go out and check out this “sun” thing I keep hearing about.”
37.
“Dig out those rolls of quarters in the back of my sock drawer, because it’s unlikely anything other than vending machines will be taking money for a while.”
38.
“Journal, probably. I did it all the time as a kid. I just got done with an entry now. But honestly, I haven’t done it nearly as much as I used to, and I miss it.”
Honestly, going through these replies felt like peeking into a world where everyone suddenly remembers they have legs, friends, hobbies, and access to sunlight. It’s kind of comforting to know that the moment the internet disappears, half of us would turn into outdoorsy optimists, and the other half would immediately start a retro business venture. So now I’m curious: what would you do if the internet vanished overnight? Tell us in the comments, and yes, you’re allowed to be DRAMATIC about it.
Text has been edited for length and clarity.
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