Therapists Are Sounding The Alarm On “Dry Begging” — A Common Manipulation Tactic Among Couples

According to Mills, dry begging can weaponize emotion and empathy while also shifting responsibility in a situation. It can “even weaponize a person’s role as a partner, specifically in romantic relationships,” she said.

For example, in a romantic relationship, if one partner wants to have sex and the other doesn’t, instead of flat-out saying how they feel, someone who is dry begging may say something like “well, most people would be happy that their partner wants to have sex with them all the time [and] is attracted to them all the time,” Mills said.

This can put the other partner in a position where they feel guilty about not wanting to have sex in the moment. It can even put responsibility on them and make them think, “Oh, I should be happy about this,” Mills noted.

“It’s kind of like — I should be giving into this. That’s how dry begging can work,” she said.

If this sounds manipulative, it’s because it often is.

If it becomes a pattern, that’s a red flag for manipulation, Cetnar said. More, if the partner ends up doing things they don’t want to do without ever being clearly asked, it’s another red flag, she said.

“It’s not always manipulative — it certainly can be — but I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. First, look at what’s the intention and is it a pattern,” Cetnar said. Once again, if it’s a pattern, that is not OK.

If it’s just an occasional happening, it probably isn’t a big deal, she said.

In some cases (but not all), it can be a narcissistic tendency.