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Welcome to Only Good Internet, where — like an old-timey prospector with a pickaxe and a dream — I find the internet gold in them there hills and bring it to you.
Every once in a while, a post comes up that tickles me so much that I just want to break it down into pieces and consume it like a five-course meal. One of those posts popped up on r/funny this week, and it was titled, “My wife’s Google search history during a girls’ trip this past weekend.” It starts off mostly coherent, if a little odd:
Clearly, she had one of those lollipops with a scorpion in it and was not feeling it, and then wanted to search Vulcan brand pickleball balls (Balkan pickleball balls are, sadly, not a thing). Then, things take a turn:
Anyone who’s ever taken too many edibles knows exactly what’s happening here, and has probably searched those exact things themselves. For me, I believe I once googled “too high help.” Luckily, it seems like she got over the hump, and things got fun again:
“What arw.yoy.doing in my swamp” just tells a whole story, doesn’t it? Anyway, the pièce de résistance, the coup de grâce, is this final search:
Answer: Yes. Anyway, one of the commenters on the Reddit post called it a “potpourri of searches,” and I’d say that’s the best way to describe it. And yet somehow, everything — including the accidental periods instead of spaces — is completely relatable. Chef’s kiss.
…That people used to use the term “hp” back in the early 1900s. This one’s for the gamers:
Listen, I’ve seen a lot of movies and read a lot of books about time travelers ending up in modern times (excellent trope), but I can’t think of a single time this kind of thing happened! The closest would be Captain America’s “I understood that reference,” but that’s because he knew the source material, not because he had an identical-sounding but different-meaning slang term from his time. Language is fun!
There’s smol, and then there’s so illegally smol that you can fall asleep in your own food container:
I always like to finish every week with something that I MUST share with you, because I can’t get it out of my head. This week, it’s all about these “midcentury” chairs:
That’s all for this week, see you later! And remember, if you want more like this, you can subscribe to the Only Good Internet newsletter (if you want, I mean, don’t let me tell you what to do, ya know?).