4.
“A lot of the time, it’s the executive dysfunction that truly fucks you over, not the ‘focus’ problems. If I’m having a bad day, suddenly every minor decision seems inconceivably difficult to deal with, even if I logically know it’s not. It’s like that feeling in a dream of trying to run but you’re stuck in molasses, but with your brain. If someone asked you to draw a functional diagram to create a space rocket, it’s not that you don’t know the answer; you don’t even know how to go about finding the answer. That’s what deciding whether to go to the gym or do the dishes first feels like sometimes.”
“And is it like this all the time? No, I’m a reasonable and intelligent human. But sometimes I can feel that my brain just pulls its own plug, and that’s what I’m stuck with. It was honesty ruining my life before I got diagnosed and medicated. And you feel like you’re going crazy because how do you explain that besides being lazy or losing your damn mind if you don’t have the framework for understanding this?”
“I HATE the physical sensation of like fog and resistance sometimes, when I have to force myself to go to the store to make a call or plan what to make for dinner. It felt like I was on the edge of madness before I finally realized I had ADHD (thanks to Instagram Reels during lockdown). Knowing I wasn’t alone in this, and reading all these posts, is validating, but people who are all ‘Oh, I forgot! ADHD!’ Make me insane.”
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