People Who Went No-Contact With Their Adult Children Are Sharing Why

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“I am a parent who has decided to stay away from and not communicate any longer with my married adult daughter. My relationship with my daughter has always been rocky. She is 33 and recently had a beautiful baby boy. This adds to my sorrow and pain in making such a decision.”

“Our family life was filled with issues. She had a father with alcoholism who was out of her life for most of her youth. I struggled financially as I am a teacher, and things were not always easy. I did, though, always provide for her clothing, shelter, education, and many other things when I could. 

Her basic issue with me is that I do not show her unconditional love. She feels I am not the mom I should be. I have to endure long conversations about how I am just not loving or responsive enough. We argue, I become defensive, things get out of hand, we raise our voices, and the experience reads like a road map each time.

This last fight was different, though, because she stated, ‘I want you to be a part of Miles’ (her baby) and my life, but I am not okay with some of the things you said last night.’ We’d argued the night before, beginning with a text she had sent me. 

Something clicked inside me when she mentioned Miles. What goes on between my daughter and me has been going on for 20+ years, on and off. It hit me that Miles would hear this between us and what she would say afterward to her husband all his life. He will always have to wonder if his grandmother is really as his mom describes or if she’s how he feels when I am with him.

I decided right then that I did not want this child, who was barely three months old, to experience this. I would rather be the mean grandmother he doesn’t know than for him to be caught in the middle. The minute she mentioned him in the argument, I thought, ‘he will become the pawn.’ I couldn’t be a part of that. I also could no longer be called all of these cruel and mean things and continually be defending myself. It was just never-ending. So I said I wanted no further contact and hung up. 

I removed her from all social media, including all our mutual friends. I severed my ties. Even though I feel pain and sadness and have had tears, I still believe for the sake of that baby, it is the only choice I had. I now have to find peace with my decision and live what life I have left, hoping I have done the right thing.”

—Paula R, Quora