Relationships come and go, but some relationships are doomed from the start. Redditor writestrend8 asked, “What’s the biggest red flag you ignored in a relationship that blew up later?” Here’s what people said.
1.
“She had her phone permanently attached to her hand and was always replying to people when she was with me, but when we were apart, it took ages for her to even read my messages.”
2.
“When I had concerns about something she was doing or something going on in the relationship, and I brought it to her attention, she either refused to talk about it or got mad at me for bringing it up.”
3.
“The fact that everyone told me he was an asshole, but he was nice to me. That is, until he wasn’t.”
4.
“That ‘his ex was crazy.’ I was young and really believed it was all on her.”
5.
“My ex-husband never told me he loved me or reciprocated it if I said it. We were together for eight years. The day I asked for a divorce, he told me, ‘But I love you.’
6.
“He’d get upset over the tiniest of things. He’d hold that irritation and anger all day (something broke? Better be pissed and mean all day!). He got mad at questions and got mad when my answers weren’t the answers he expected. Need I say more? Some people can’t escape their angry emotions and just carry them around all day.”
7.
“Anytime I brought an issue up or concern or something that just upset me, it would get turned around so that I was the bad guy.”
8.
“He had a lot of girl friends but no guy friends. I wanted to be a chill girlfriend who was okay with that because I had guys I was seriously just friends with. Well, you know that story ended. He said he meant to say they were friends…but with benefits, and he thought he was clear the whole time. It was one of my first real understandings of gaslighting.”
9.
“Love bombing. When you’re an inexperienced and depressed kid, it’s the perfect trap.”
10.
“I thought he just ran colder than I do and didn’t need as much affection, or it didn’t come as naturally to him. Turns out, I was dating a heavily avoidant man who then blind sided and discarded me with no explanation.”
11.
“If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.”
12.
“They never apologized, ever. Everything was somehow always my fault, and I didn’t realize how exhausting that was until I was out.”
13.
“Before officially dating, he told me his last relationship ended a year prior. Fast forward to actually dating, it started coming out all the relationships he had in between the one year and me. It was multiple, ‘Oh, I dated her for three months, her for five months, her for two.’ That’s when I realized that this person cannot be alone, has to be in a relationship, and takes whatever he can get. It’s not about the person, it’s about just having a person. He doesn’t love me; he just loves that he has somebody. He replaced me in five days.”
14.
“He has an overbearing and controlling mother, and he was unable to stand up to her.”
15.
“We’d have the same fights over and over and over again, even though we’d reach an agreement on how to resolve it every single time.”
16.
“An inappropriate age gap. I was a teenager, he was in his late 20s. I knew it was weird, but I justified it because in my mind, I was very mature for my age. When I broke up with him, he was extremely immature about it. I suppose a man interested in a schoolgirl might not be the most well-adjusted type of person.”
17.
“The first time he hit me. Even if it stops for some time, it always happens again. Or it would become throwing things at my head or across the room. Putting holes in the walls. Breaking my stuff. Driving crazy, reckless speeding, and swerving. If they’ll physically intimidate you once, they’ll do it again.”
18.
“She said all her exes were crazy. Turns out the only common denominator was her.”
19.
“She demanded I delete a photo of me and a female friend (who I’d known for 10 years, basically a sister) from my Instagram. I did put up a fight, but eventually gave in because she wouldn’t stop asking. It was all downhill from there.”
20.
“When he said, ‘I’m afraid I’m going to hurt you. 🥺.’ Translation: I’m absolutely going to hurt you, I’m just pretending right now like I might not because I want to trick you into thinking I can’t care about anyone else but myself.”
Do you have one to add? What red flag did you notice in a relationship that turned out to be a sign of something truly toxic? Tell us in the comments or in this anonymous form.
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