We’ve asked members of the BuzzFeed Community several times to share the dumbest thing someone they knew said. And a lot of them shared idiotic things their boyfriends or husbands said, so here are the funniest ones:
1.
“My first boyfriend thought that a woman’s breasts inflated during sex like a man’s penis does.”
—Anonymous
2.
“We were talking about dinosaurs and he was shocked to hear they were real. Then he proceeded to ask me if they really breathed fire. He thought dinosaurs and dragons were the same thing.”
3.
“I dated a guy who once asked me why I ‘use so much toilet paper’ every time I come over to his apartment. I asked him to elaborate on what he meant by that, and he said there was no need to wipe every time and wanted to know if I was just wasteful. I had to inform him that women do indeed have to wipe every single time we pee.”
—Anonymous
4.
“An ex-boyfriend of mine, when we were together, seemed profoundly confused when I informed him that, no, a woman can’t get pregnant from oral sex. He was 27 or 28 at the time.”
—Anonymous
5.
“I dated a guy in my younger years who prided himself on being a womanizer. One day, he bragged that he was a ‘connosis’ of women. Totally confused, the wheels in my head started spinning. Then I said to him, ‘Do you mean a connoisseur?’ He said, ‘Oh yeah, that’s it.'”
6.
“I was in the hospital, and my boyfriend at the time sent me a text with a picture of an ear of corn that he just peeled and asked if it had gone bad because it was yellow. He thought it turned yellow from cooking. He was 40!”
7.
“He thought an egg came out when someone finished their period. Like…a chicken egg.”
8.
“I started my period and went into the store and reached over to grab a box of large tampons. He swatted my hand away and said, ‘You don’t need that size.’ I was stunned that he was trying to tell me what type of tampon I needed based on size. The tampon size you get is based on the amount of flow you have. I did marry him, and it was the biggest mistake of my life.”
—Anonymous
9.
“My ex-boyfriend was concerned about having periodic night sweats, so he Googled it. He proceeded to tell me he has menopause.”
—Anonymous
10.
“My husband and I were discussing our neighbor, who just got diagnosed with prostate cancer, and my husband said that he should probably get his prostate examined. Then he looked at me and said, ‘Hon, you should probably get your prostate checked too!’ I told him that women don’t have prostates.”
—lunaamethyst8124
11.
“My boyfriend at the time thought that when people say they bought a house with ‘cash’ that the buyers actually brought in bags of cash to pay for the property.”
—Anonymous
12.
“My ex in college thought all women could just secrete breast milk on demand. He asked to try some of mine, and was shocked when I informed him that, in fact, I needed to have a baby first.”
—Anonymous
13.
“I took my boyfriend (who is cisgender) at the time to the doctor over some stomach issues he was having, and when the doctor asked him what kind of problems he was having, he very seriously answered, ‘I’m not sure. All I know is I’m hurting really bad, I think it’s my ovaries.'”
—Anonymous
14.
“He asked, ‘Does it feel good when you put a tampon in?’ He was seriously equating putting a tampon in and penetrative sex.”
—Anonymous
15.
“I texted my ex, ‘benign!’, as I had gotten the results from a tumor biopsy. His response? ‘I thought that place closed down a long time ago?!’ He thought I was texting about the old restaurant, Bennigan’s.”
—Anonymous
16.
“One guy I was dating confidently argued, ‘India is in Africa.’ We argued until I pulled up a map. We didn’t speak again after that.”
—Anonymous
17.
“My washing machine went out, so I had to take my clothes and towels to a laundromat. I handed my boyfriend a basket of clothes and told him to go ahead and put them in any washer. He said, ‘Which one is the washer?'”
—Anonymous
18.
“I said I was gonna make whole-wheat bread, and he asked if he should buy whole-wheat yeast.”
—Anonymous
19.
“I was in a fight with my now ex-boyfriend, and at one point in the argument, I said, ‘Do you need me to reiterate?!’ to which he replied, ‘NO! I want you to repeat yourself!!!’ I then yelled back, ‘What do you think REITERATE MEANS?!’ I’ve never heard such a humiliating silence in my life. It was glorious.”
—crankyoldlady
20.
“My ex, when I told him I had a meeting with the Dean of Liberal Arts, said, ‘Why isn’t there a Dean of Conservative things, too? This is why Republicans say they hate colleges! Y’all could fix politics so fast.'”
—Abcdg
21.
“Ex-boyfriend didn’t believe geese fly south for the winter. He lived in an area (in MN) that had a heated lake, and geese were around in the winter there. I tried to explain, but he didn’t believe me.”
—Anonymous
23.
“He thought gas stations were placed over oil wells, which is why gas stations are built near one another. He thought that gas stations closed because the well underground had run dry.”
—Anonymous
24.
“It was in December of 1999 when my boyfriend at the time thought we were going into the 20th century.”
—Anonymous
25.
“I once briefly dated a guy who thought sweetened coffee had zero calories because ‘the sugar has dissolved, so it’s not there.'”
—millenialshrimp
26.
“My ex thought that the Underground Railroad had to do with trains and he used to live in the same area that Harriet Tubman was from.”
—limbecke12
27.
“My first husband and I went to my cousin’s house to watch the first moon landing on TV. On the way home, he asked me if I thought we would ever see a man land on the sun.”
—Anonymous
28.
“I dated a guy who thought you only took a birth control pill right before you had sex. He didn’t understand that you had to take it at the same time every day in order to actually prevent pregnancy.”
—Anonymous
29.
“My ex-husband asked how the rice multiplies in the pot when it cooks. He thought it multiplied.”
—Anonymous
30.
“My husband claimed he could just open the window to ‘dust’ his office.”
—bpurplebutterfly
31.
And finally, “I knew a guy who thought there were two suns. He went on vacation and said the sun was better where he was than at home.”
—deadpanflower887
What’s the dumbest thing you ever heard a man say? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
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