The holidays are supposed to be magical. You know the script: cozy gatherings, thoughtful gifts, food that brings everyone together, and maybe one mild argument that everyone pretends didn’t happen. And then there’s reality. From Christmas dinners that went violently off the rails to family members saying things that permanently altered the guest list, these people shared the absolute worst holiday moments they’ve ever lived through. Some are gross, some are heartbreaking, some are darkly funny, and a few are all three at once.
1.
“A few years back, I went to my dad’s house for Christmas. My parents are divorced, and I rarely go, but my siblings put a lot of pressure on me, so I went. It took about 15 minutes before the stress got to me, and I got a migraine. We all sit down to open presents: my dad, his new wife, my siblings, an aunt, and my grandmother. We make it around the circle, opening presents for about two rounds, before my grandmother suddenly gets up and leaves the room. My father starts fiddling around, waiting for her to come back, and spots something on the floor. It looks like cat puke. He asks his wife if it is, indeed, cat puke. She had followed my grandmother out of the room and knew the truth. It was not cat puke. It was my grandmother’s poop. She had pooped all over the couch. It doesn’t take long before we can smell it, and no amount of air freshener fixes that. Grandma eventually comes back into the room wearing nothing but a blanket around her lower half.”
2.
“One time, my family forgot to get me anything for Christmas. I was 20 and had been on my own (living in an unbelievably shitty apartment one town away) since I was 17. Due to family stuff, I didn’t see them much. But that year, it was me, my brother, my sister, her boyfriend (who lived there), my mother, and my stepdad. Christmas morning. Tree trimmed. Stockings hung. The whole nine. Tradition dictated that we each took turns opening a gift, starting with the youngest. My sister gets one. Her boyfriend gets one. My brother gets one. My turn comes around, and my mom starts digging under the tree, but can’t find anything. My siblings joke that I didn’t get anything because I’ve been a bad boy.”
3.
“It was either the mojito or the hamburger. I was distracted by a flower-selling street kid and blurted out the first Spanish word I could think of: ‘Mojito, po-por favor.’ Turns out I stutter, but only in Spanish. Awesome. You’re not supposed to eat the ice, I know, but where we had been living in Monterrey, even that was usually fine, and I got careless. So maybe it was the mojito at a Oaxaca sidewalk bistro with tap ice, or maybe it was the next day, Christmas Eve, when I ate a really crappy hamburger. Who orders a hamburger in Mexico? Either way, I got food poisoning and spent Christmas Day in 2012, I think, doing what my wife later dubbed ‘dragon-puking’ all day.”
4.
“Food poisoning on Christmas — or what I thought was food poisoning. It carried on for two days. Then my son developed it, which is when I realized it was probably viral. He ran a fever of 39 degrees Celsius, hadn’t eaten in three days, and hadn’t slept more than three hours total during that time. It was a pretty crappy holiday.”
5.
“When I was 10, Thanksgiving was hosted at my house. There was serious family drama between two of my aunts from earlier. They refused to attend the same events and never spoke about each other or their kids. I was older when I finally learned why. Apparently, Aunt A accused Aunt B of trying to sleep with her husband. Aunt B denied it and said they were just friends. After that, they never spoke again. That Thanksgiving, a truce was declared, and everyone was invited. Each aunt stayed in her own corner with her kids, mostly ignoring each other. There were no dirty looks or insults, so dinner went peacefully. Then Aunt B decided to leave first. She said her goodbyes and took her kids to the car. My mom, a few aunts, and cousins walked outside to thank her for coming. As her eldest son stood outside, a little girl walked over from across the street. She asked if so-and-so was his dad. He said yes. She immediately said, ‘He’s my dad too. You’re my brother.'”
6.
“One Sunday at family lunch, my mom said hi to her great-niece. Immediately, my mom’s brother — the girl’s grandfather — tore into my mother, screaming about everything he could think of. I heard him screaming and my mother sobbing, so I went to see what was happening. I told him he was making an ass of himself and to leave. My aunt and another uncle separated them. As my mom calmed down in a separate room, the angry uncle followed me into another room and tore into me, telling me how horrible I am and how everyone thinks I’m perfect, but I’m not. I told him if his daughter wasn’t such an entitled b*tch, maybe other family members would like her too. Another uncle, who happened to be in the room, agreed. The angry uncle left in a huff, and we didn’t see him for a while. That was nice.”
7.
“The first Christmas my now-ex husband and I spent together, we decided to buy a real Christmas tree for our apartment. To make a long story short, the tree turned out to be covered in tiny black worms that kept falling out all over our living room floor. In all my Christmases, I’ve never seen worms in a tree like that before. It was honestly horrible, even though I don’t usually mind bugs or wormy creatures. We had to get rid of the tree as soon as possible. It was too stressful knowing worms were constantly dropping off the branches.”
8.
“We normally have around 60 people over for Christmas Eve dinner, so we take the easy route and make instant mashed potatoes. I’m a decent cook and had all my other dishes ready, so I said I’d handle them. I forgot to add all the milk. I served 60 people mashed potato concrete, and nobody said a word.”
9.
“One year after dinner, my whole family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) was playing a game. My anti-gay uncle, helped along by alcohol, announced to everyone that gay men shouldn’t be called ‘men.’ I lost it. I called him a moron and told him that if he ever wanted to say something like that again, he should just drop dead. About five minutes later, the party was over, and everyone was leaving. My mother was incredibly proud of me for standing up to her brother. It’s been four years, and I haven’t seen him once.”
10.
“I kicked my toe on my nephew’s tricycle under the tree on Christmas Eve one year. By Christmas Day, the pain was so bad that I went to the hospital. It turned out I had cellulitis. My toe had split open because I kicked it so hard. I was admitted on Christmas Day and stayed there until after New Year’s. It was also the year all our awful relatives were visiting, so no great loss.”
11.
“There was the time my last cat, Gizmo (named after everyone’s favorite Christmas horror flick, Gremlins), got stuck in the Christmas tree. We’ve always had a fake tree from B&Q or somewhere similar. My two brothers came downstairs at a ridiculous hour on Christmas morning, and I lagged behind because I was sick. When we finally made it downstairs, we legitimately scared ourselves half to death. The tree had toppled over. The presents were ripped open and scattered everywhere. Then Gizmo casually strutted out from the bottom of the tree, grinning as if he’d won. I miss Gizmo.”
12.
“Christmas 2021: My cousin, who is a Nazi, was 22 and drank an impossible number of alcoholic beverages throughout the night before starting to talk shit. Other family members tried to calm him down. Neither my family nor I support any of this Nazi stuff at all, but it didn’t matter. He kept drinking and eventually started yelling at his bisexual sister, calling her a ‘feminist whore,’ while spewing racist garbage. I finally snapped and told him, ‘You don’t say shit like that, you racist son of a—.’ He yelled back, ‘Yes, yes, I will! It’s true!’ I poured the rest of his beer into his racist face and left. According to my granny, he stopped drinking after that. I can hardly believe it, and honestly, I won’t miss him if he’s not there this Christmas.”
—mudda8139
13.
“When I was in college at Kansas State University, I planned to fly home to Indiana to spend Christmas with my family. I couldn’t afford a direct flight, so I booked a connecting one with a layover at Chicago O’Hare. O’Hare is chaotic on a good day, and at Christmas it’s a nightmare. My flight from Kansas landed at one end of the airport, and my connecting gate was at the complete opposite end. I was sprinting through the terminal like my ass was on fire, with only minutes to spare, and still managed to miss the flight. Luckily, my dad lives in Bristol, Indiana, not too far from Chicago, so he was able to pick me up. Unfortunately, that was just the beginning. All my bags were on the plane I missed. Since they weren’t picked up in South Bend, they were rerouted all the way back to Kansas. I had literally no clothes. My dad and uncles had to make an emergency run to Walmart to buy me enough clothes to survive until my bags turned up.”
14.
“One Christmas, my sister was carrying the uncarved turkey from the upstairs kitchen down to the dining room when she tripped and fell. The hot, steaming turkey slid right off the pan and crashed into a lamp, breaking it.”
15.
“When I was 7, my dad remarried a witch of a woman. When I was 10, we visited for Christmas. She made sauerkraut. I was a picky eater and had never heard of it, so I was adamant that I didn’t want any. My dad said I had to try it, which was fair. Like many families back then, we had a ‘clear-your-plate’ rule. Imagine my horror when she piled a heap of sauerkraut onto my plate. I ate everything but the sauerkraut and sulked. My dad grew angry and told me I had to eat it. I said I was full and felt sick. He didn’t care. I complained that I hadn’t served it to myself and it was too much. My dad told me I couldn’t leave the table until it was gone. Presents were coming up, and I knew I had no choice. So I ate it. Every rancid bite. When I finished, I excused myself, walked to the bathroom, shoved my fingers down my throat, and threw up. Then I walked back into the dining room, looked at my stepmother and said, ‘Your sauerkraut made me vomit.'”
If there’s any comfort in reading these, it’s that no matter how awkward, chaotic, or downright cursed your holiday felt, someone out there definitely had it worse. Now it’s your turn: What’s the worst holiday moment you’ve ever experienced? Share your story in the comments or anonymous form below!
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