I couldn’t resist sharing their wild tales of passion. Here’s what they had to say:
1.
“I had a pretty normal one-night stand. The guy was nice, and the sex was decent. Then, at around 7 in the morning, the police showed up at his apartment and took him away in handcuffs. He told me to call the number on a card and tell his lawyer, ‘John has been arrested, meet him at the station.’ I stayed and talked to the police, and every question they asked, I answered with ‘I literally just met him last night.’ It turns out it was for fraud related to his job. I thought I may have dodged a serial killer or something.”
—None
2.
“Well, the one-night stand was pretty straightforward. We hooked up, and then I drove her back to her dorm. The horror story came the next day when I found what I thought was her bra…Things went downhill when I attempted to return it. To this day, I have no clue whose bra that was. I ended up donating it to Goodwill.”
—None
3.
“I woke up at some guy’s house to him telling me his parents were about to come into his room before church, and I had to hide. I ended up naked in a closet while his parents interrogated him. It wasn’t great.”
4.
“After taking a woman home, I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night. When I got back to my room, she had gone, leaving only a large wet patch where she had wet the bed.”
5.
“I woke up to the woman’s boss standing in the living room the next morning. Supposedly, she had been banging him, and he wasn’t too happy to see an extra vehicle in the yard of the house she was renting from him. Needless to say, I politely left as the fireworks started between them. He was nice enough to leave me out of it.”
6.
“I went home with a woman. I went to the bathroom naked during the night. I couldn’t remember which door I was in. I saw the bathroom light was on and peeked my head in, and it was her dad. I ran down the stairs to hear ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I couldn’t remember her name and just responded with, ‘I came home with the woman.’ He must have only had one daughter and directed me to her room. The next morning, when she was about to drop me off at home, she introduced me to her parents. Her dad said, ‘I know who he is, I caught him walking around our house at 4 a.m.'”
8.
“I’d gone out with a few friends and ended up going back to this fairly attractive woman’s place. The morning after, she decides to soothe my hangover by going down on me, but before starting, she says, ‘You told me last night you don’t really do one-night stands, hope you remember my name?’ I completely froze. I bought some time by laughing, and through sheer luck, I noticed a picture frame with ‘Emilia’ written on it in bold, colourful letters. Yeah, that was her sister’s name who died the previous summer. She did not go down on me.”
9.
“I once had an OkCupid hookup. The guy talked about his ex-girlfriend all night (who I’m convinced didn’t exist). During sex, he was clueless and would say things like ‘AWWW YEA my ex Donna liked it like that, do you baby? Then in the morning, he rolled over and said, ‘Good morning, Mrs. (insert his last name here).’ At this point, I just wanted him to leave, so I got out of bed and grabbed my phone. I told him that he had to leave because there was an emergency with my grandmother, and I had to go. He then told me that if we were going to be married, he should come with me too. It took me an hour to get him to leave my bedroom and 15 minutes to get him downstairs and out the door.”
10.
“I took a lady home. She got up during the night to use the bathroom and knocked over my stereo rack. I was a bit of an audiophile and had high-end stuff. My best estimate for the price of that one-night stand? $12,000-15,000, plus drinks.”
11.
“I went to the kitchen in just my panties to grab a glass of water. I opened the fridge and peeked inside only to hear a familiar voice behind me say, ‘Miss Galore?’ I covered up as best I could with the rag hanging from the fridge handle and slowly turned around. It was one of my pre-school students. I’d only met his mom because his parents were separated, and he only spent some weekends with his dad. He was hungry, and I ended up making him some pancakes.”
—None
12.
“Valentine’s Day last year: I was out at the bars and I talked up a woman and brought her back to my place, and we hooked up. When I woke up the next morning, she was gone, and I thought nothing of it, but when I went under my counter to take my Adderall (prescribed), my prescription was missing. She left early that morning (sometime before 8:00 a.m.) and took my Adderall prescription.”
13.
“I was in Calgary in 2009 and went to a concert in Edmonton with this woman who was a friend. I ended up going home with her friend. She lived with family, and we hit the couch and proceeded to hook up. I woke up to cooking, not even 10 meters away. I was naked on the floor of a kitchen/sitting room, and her mom was cooking. Luckily, I had a blanket covering my privates. I had an awkward chat with the mom, with my clothes nowhere in sight. The mom had washed my wet clothes, so I sat there for three hours with a towel around me.”
—None
14.
“I went home with a woman, fooled around awhile, and then we fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night to her yelling, ‘WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!’ Apparently, I was sleepwalking and I was pissing like a racehorse on her bedroom floor. I promptly pinched it off, ran to the bathroom, and finished my business before going back in to help her clean up the mess, totally speechless.”
—None
15.
“A friend of mine hooked up with a random woman at a bar. He’s not exactly a ladies’ man, so we were all happy for him. In the morning, she asked if she could borrow his car to get some stuff to make breakfast. She stole his car, picked up her boyfriend from jail, and left the state.”
16.
And finally, “So my roommate’s girlfriend’s friend came into town for the weekend. We went out on the town, we went home, she went down on me, and then she vomited onto my D.”
What’s your most bizarre one-night stand story? Tell us in the comments or use the anonymous form below:
Related
Discover more from InstiWitty Media Studios
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
