Married Men Are Revealing The “Hardest Parts” Of Marriage That No One Talks About

9.

“A major challenge I’ve faced is navigating the complexities of intimacy and vulnerability in a long-term relationship. This isn’t the typical story of a stoic man who holds his emotions until he is numb; instead, it is deeply wanting a connection with my wife but finding real challenges in having it reciprocated fully. First, there is the common challenge of a lack of physical intimacy in a long-term relationship. In the first few years, everything was great, but then my wife’s libido faded, and that created real emotional pain in me. Physical intimacy, not just intercourse but all of its many forms, is really about making an emotional connection. It’s about sharing something special with the love of your life that is unique between us and no one else. It’s a way to express love, and it’s a way to know that I am loved. Without it, life is anemic — a grind that funnels me to the classic stoic archetype that I never wanted to embody.”

“Second, there is the issue of vulnerability. In previous long-term relationships and in my marriage, the idea of masculinity was always this balancing act to navigate with my partners. My wife wanted me to be vulnerable, but not too vulnerable. To be confident, but not too confident. Not falling into this undefined and narrow Goldilocks zone of desirable masculinity was, at times, frustrating and exhausting. It also played into the first point above about intimacy. Finding one outside of that desired zone would make intimacy even more remote. The end result is that marriage feels like an endeavor — one that can be frustratingly opaque in terms of how to live in happiness with your partner. That tension creates a painful and tragic longing for being able to just be. To be vulnerable, to express love, to be loved, and to feel like I stand on solid ground in who I am as a man and husband.”

—52, Vermont