That evening, I finally tell B that I am throwing up before the conferences. He asks if we need to stop going. I want to say yes, but I don’t.
Although throwing up is new, this conversation isn’t. One thing about B — he will follow my lead. He gets the double standard without me needing to verbalize it. Deep down, neither of us is ready to be forced out. So once more, over drinks, we hammer out reasons why we want to be in places that cause strife.
“We make a lot of money at these events,” I say. It feels dirty coming out of my mouth. B nods and orders another round.
“Your thing is changing the conversation,” he says. “Changing the conversation on beauty culture. Changing the conversation on how we raise empowered girls. How about we change the conversation about feminism at these events?”
He gets that look in his eye, the one that signifies he has a wildly genius thought.
“What if we actually start talking about feminism instead of avoiding the conversation? Maybe the workshops you give could be why feminism is good. You could be the woman that blatantly teaches about feminism… at a conservative homeschool convention. It’s brilliant!”
I laugh out loud, partly intrigued, partly because I think he is insane.
“We will get canceled,” I tell him.
“For all the right reasons,” he replies.
The bartender brings over two dirty martinis.
This piece was originally published in October 2023, and we are rerunning it now as part of HuffPost Personal’s “Best Of” series.
Heather Stark is a business owner, podcast host, public speaker and feminist writer. Grace & Grit, her girl empowerment company, helps girls discover their worth and potential through the stories of historical women. She is the author of “Her Story: A Hilarious & Heartfelt Conversation About Why Beauty Milestones Should Be Options, Not Expectations.” She lives on Padre Island, Texas, with her family.
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