“I Wish They Hadn’t Been Born”: Mothers Are Anonymously Sharing Why They Regret Having Kids

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“I was 18 when I got pregnant. I asked my then-roommate if he would be my first time (I wanted to try having sex and not look for a boyfriend). He said yes, and we did it. The condom broke, and I got pregnant. He started telling me that he loved me right after we had sex for the first time. I kept trying to put distance between us, and it wasn’t working. He was being clingy, and I don’t like clingy people. He had never been like that before then. I found out I was pregnant and mentioned that I was not ready for a baby. I looked into getting an abortion, but he and his mom found out and refused to let me go. They made me get married by going straight to my very strict Catholic parents. My parents made me marry him and then disowned me. I felt suffocated by my husband and his mother.”

“I had no money, no place to stay, and no friends (they had left before the pee stick dried). I had my oldest, and my husband became very controlling. He controlled where I went, who I saw, and what I bought, among other things. I had no way out. I have four kids with him and have been married 20 years, and he still controls everything. I feel bad for my kids because we’ve had a hard life and can’t give them what they want. My oldest child has no ambition and refuses to attend school. My second is eating his feelings. Third, she has such an attitude problem and takes her anger out on me. I’m to blame for all of her problems. My youngest is literally the only one who truly loves me. I regret asking my husband to be my first. I regret having kids. I could have been a doctor and traveled all over the world. Instead, I’m here with four kids whom I have raised to be good humans (except my daughter, with whom I seem to have failed). I wish I could go back to being 18 and change my future. But for now, I love my kids, and I do everything I can to make their lives better. It’s not their fault that they were born into this family. It’s mine.”

—Anonymous, 39, female, Virginia