“He's Dead To Us Now”: 38 People On The “Incident” That Tore Their Friend Group Apart

4.

“Years ago, I had a friend group who played board and card games together. An old colleague of mine — we’ll call him Joe — had just gotten dumped and was lonely. I asked the group if I could invite him to join, and everyone said yes. A few weeks after Joe joined the group, a woman who was in the group with her boyfriend — we will call her Jane — started telling me she had feelings for Joe. I told her I wasn’t super comfortable knowing this because her boyfriend was also my friend. She nonetheless kept telling me about it, and I kept telling her maybe she should discuss it with her boyfriend and come clean.”

She eventually asked her boyfriend for a break.’ He took a temporary boarding room to give her space, but he felt it was temporary, and she’d take him back (I have no idea if she made it seem that way or if that was his interpretation). She assured me it was over for good and proceeded to attempt to ‘get’ Joe. 

Joe turned her down several times, citing that he didn’t feel that way about her and that he considered her ex a friend. He himself had just been dumped and wasn’t ready for a relationship. After two weeks of effort and telling Joe that she only wanted no-strings-attached sex and that her relationship was definitely over for good and not to worry about it, Joe slept with Jane. Immediately after, she confessed she had feelings for him and thought sex might change his mind about his feelings. Joe doubled down, telling her he still did not see her that way. Jane went right back to her ex and took him back in. Joe felt horrible towards Jane’s boyfriend, who was still in the dark about the whole thing. 

I refused to participate in group events because I could not face her boyfriend. She assured me she was waiting for the right time to come clean to him. Without my knowledge, she told everyone that I hated them and that’s why I didn’t come anymore. When I eventually realized she lied to everyone, I told her enough was enough, and either she come clean about cheating and why I wasn’t coming over, or I would just remove myself from her life completely. She took it very badly and said I was blackmailing her, then had a mental breakdown and posted publicly on Facebook that she slept with Joe. She promptly deleted the post, but it was too late; people had seen it and sent screenshots to her boyfriend. 

As damage control, she went on to tell everyone Joe had manipulated her, said he was madly in love with her, had his way with her, and then dumped her. She said I took his side, and that’s why she was really no longer inviting me to events this whole time — not because I hated them all. Everyone believed her. To this day, they hate me. She’s married to her boyfriend. I have never seen any of them again.

Joe needed pretty extensive therapy after this, feeling like a fucking creep who slept with a friend’s girlfriend. He also never saw any of them again. I am still in touch with him; he has gotten over the whole thing and learned from it.”

—dizzywizard68