Former Inmates Are Revealing What Solitary Confinement Is Actually Like, And It’s Horrifying

14.

“I gave serious thought to hurting myself to get out of solitary. I never went that far, but I did give it some thought. I was only in there for three and a half weeks, if I remember correctly, but it felt so much longer than that. I was put in by a particular power-hungry deputy who claimed I was resisting him, when all I did was stand up from looking at the books on a bottom shelf. He yelled out, ‘DON’T WALK UP ON ME LIKE THAT INMATE!’ Before I could do or say anything, he kicked me over, and I found myself in solitary confinement. I was put in right after breakfast. The room had a metal bed with a toilet attached at the end. No blankets, no sheets, nothing. The light always stayed on. There were no windows; the long window on the door was covered, even though I could peek through the cracks, there was nothing to see.”

“Eventually lunch came, and I was chowing down on a plain wheat bread with what was supposed to be bologna. I had taken maybe four bites when dinner was served. I figured…WTF. But OK, this guy’s a jerk, so expect this. I got tired of being in my mind, making up worlds and characters (I used to play D&D a lot), and fell asleep. I wake up to banging on my door, and a deputy says, ‘Free time!’ Like an idiot, I get up and wait for the door to click open. Never does. Nothing I can do. I go back to sleep.

Again, I am woken up to lunch. No idea what happened to breakfast. But OK. I just eat it and try not to let it get to me. Well, it does eventually. I completely lost track of time, messed up my sleep schedule, and made me worry about my sanity in general. What if I were flushing my meals? Was I eating without remembering? Sometimes the deputy in question would wake me up, tell me to gather my stuff, which I had nothing because they wouldn’t let me take anything, and lead me out, only to put me in another solitary cell. I could hear him giggle when he walked away.

Yeah, I admit, I did end up yelling like mad, but not for very long; my voice gave out. Eventually, I did get out. I would have bet my life I was in there for months if not longer, but turns out, it was only a little over three weeks. As others have said, I will never go back in there, I don’t care the cost.”

—[redacted]