7 ‘Positive’ Traits That Are Secretly Anxiety In Disguise

Perhaps at the intersection of perfectionism and overachieving, we have over-functioning.

“Being on top of everything at all times can make someone look like they have everything together and are a high achiever, but it can also be a sign that someone fears losing control and feels the need to hyper-manage their life,” Kelley said.

Unfortunately, this can also lead to a host of other problems. She listed stress, health concerns, issues with anger management and emotional regulation, overcommitment and commitments falling through the cracks, unhealthy narratives about perfectionism, and difficulty asking for help.

What to try instead: Rather than push yourself to get everything done well (and alone), ask for help! Seriously, it’s OK. 

Kelley recommended “delegating and setting the personal limit on what needs to be accomplished to a much more manageable state.” Allow yourself to be imperfect, she continued, and practice self-compassion in conjunction with that. 

People-Pleasing

Do you feel anxious at the idea of making someone unhappy by not doing what they want? Maybe you push your preferences to the side and say “yes” to everything to avoid conflict? These are signs of people-pleasing. 

“They go out of their way to make others happy, even at the expense of their own needs, because they fear that saying ‘no’ or disappointing others will result in disapproval, loss of relationships or other negative outcomes,” Lira de la Rosa explained. “This can be a manifestation of social anxiety and fear of not being accepted.”

What to try instead: While it may feel scary, push yourself to set healthy boundaries, stick to your values and say “no,” Lira de la Rosa encouraged. Take care of yourself.

Baby steps can help you get there. He suggested people “gradually experiment with small instances of assertiveness and notice that relationships often improve when you are honest about your own needs.” 

For example, you might tell your parent that you’re uninterested in talking about your appearance and find that they respect that, opting for more meaningful questions at family dinners.

Having High Levels Of Empathy