26.
“Telling them they were smart. They are smart, but they knew it too early. You should reward hard work and effort, not intelligence, because hard work is something they do for a reward (even if that reward is just a feeling of accomplishment), while a reward for intelligence is a reward for doing nothing. A hard-working kid will succeed whether they are smart or not, while a smart and lazy kid will have problems. Don’t say ‘Oh, that’s awesome, you’re super smart to have found that solution!’ or ‘You can do this, it’s easy, use your brain!’ — instead, say ‘Oh, that’s awesome, you must have spent a lot of time on that!’ or ‘This will take some time, do you think can we finish it before dinner?'”
“I know there are some books on the subject; I haven’t read them because I realized too late.”
“My oldest son was brilliant; I and everyone else always told him so. After he grew up, he told me that put immense pressure on him. Plus, that made my second son feel inferior (even though he’s very bright too), and so he created his own identity of class-clown and screw-up.”
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