Two years ago, we reported on the phenomenon of terrible names dads gave their children, including gems like Earldricka, April Fuel, and Beonsaa (pronounced “Beyoncé”). Gorgeous!
Time has passed, but bad names stick forever. So, I’m rounding up more hilariously awful names people shared…this time, the ones both parents apparently agreed on. Enjoy (and pls don’t get any ideas):
1.
“I went to school with a guy named Justin Case.”
2.
“One former friend of mine named his daughter ‘Precious’, which is a horrible name for a cat, let alone a child! I [also] went to school with a kid named Matthew Matthews. But the one who takes the cake is a young lady I met through a mutual friend. Her last name is Knight. Her parents named her Saturday. That’s right, folks. The poor girl’s name is Saturday Knight.”
3.
…this seems to be a surprisingly common theme. STOP THIS!
4.
“I knew a Diesel in 4th grade. His brother was named Axel. Yeah.”
5.
“When I taught summer camp I had twins named Anakin and Padme lol.”
6.
“My ex husband was dead set on naming our daughter Diamond Dallas. I realized years later that that was also the name of a wrestler (turned yoga instructor now, interestingly enough), but he didn’t even know that. He just thought Diamond was a beautiful name, and he’s from Dallas. I nixed it on account of I DIDN’T WANT MY DAUGHTER TO HAVE A STRIPPER NAME. Her middle name is still Dallas, though.”
7.
“my husband….nick Knickerbocker. dude thought his last name was erbocker and everyone was repeating his first name.”
8.
“My first name is Harry (after my paternal grandfather). But I was always called by the nickname for my middle name Richard. Back in the 50’s ‘Dick’ was a common nickname for Richard (Dick Nixon, Dick Powell). Yep Harry Dick. Made middle school difficult.”
9.
“I worked with a gentleman named Richard Head. I can’t imagine his young person years were easy either.”
10.
“I went to school with a Ronald McDonald III. My Mom went to school with a guy named Richard Small, and he went by Dickie. So when the teacher was calling attendance, it would be last name 1st and 1st name last so the teacher would call Small, Dickie.”
11.
“There was a kid at my school named N-Spir Adream Jugnutt (pronounced inspire a dream).”
12.
“I went to school with a Lacey Valentine. That was her birth name, so her parents did that to her! My dad went to school with a Dusty Rhodes, and a girl named Johnnie Walker. He also saw an obituary for a woman named Violet Peacock. He knew a family with the last name Pigg who had three children. The three little Piggs went to court to have their names changed.”
13.
“I know a set of sisters named Ima Pigg, and Ura Pigg. Say them out loud if you don’t get it. Their parents BOTH thought it was funny.”
14.
“I know someone who named their kid Gunner, bc they wanted to be a sharp-shooter in the army but never got accepted, so now his kid is living with this trauma bestowed upon him by his father.”
15.
“Working at a school in Florida, I came across an Aryan White. Didn’t think much until I saw the dad’s swastika bicep tattoo and then it all made sense.”
16.
“I went to college with a girl named Kandi Kane. As if the ‘k’ made a difference…”
17.
“[I] once knew a girl named Jackie Daniels (Jack [Daniels]). Her father did indeed name her.”
18.
“I knew a couple whose last name was Kerr (pronounced ‘kur’) and they names their daughter Masa and their son Kahn. In other words, ‘massacre’ and ‘conquer.'”
19.
“Ok I am a retired maternity nurse and have had to talk some people out of the names they were going to use…. Top ones are a woman with the last name Italia who names her daughter Jennifer (sounds ok right?) until you use her nickname of ‘Jen’ with her last name.. say it out loud… not good!”
20.
“I went to school with a girl whose name was pronounced like ‘nausea.’ I didn’t know the spelling, just that her name was Nausea. It would’ve been really funny if she had become a gastroenterologist.”
21.
“I grew up with a girl named Tru Love. As an adult, she ran and got a seat on the city council. I knew a boy named Semaj. His fathers name was James and Semaj is that name spelled backwards. I grew up with a Stansella. Her father was Stan and her mother was Ella. Finally, my father was a principal and he had a girl named vagina. I kid you not! It was spelled vagina but she was called Virginia… a very far stretch from the spelling.”
22.
“I have quite a few crazy names of people I know personally. Went to school with a dude name Texas Mayo (yes I live in Texas), and a girl named Snowy Winters. Also know a girl who was named Shateria. You guessed it, her mom went into labor at a washeteria.”
23.
“Let’s see there was the little boy named Paxton, named after the cross street where the dad got pulled over while rushing the mom to the hospital to have the baby. Then there’s the boy/girl twins named Trevon and Trevian (pronounced like Evian), named after their dad Trevor. And the little girl I met at the park named April Mae Joon.”
24.
“Years ago, I worked at a Blockbuster and one of the authorized uses on someone’s account was Lasagne. Pronounced ‘lah-zahn-YAY.’ When I gave the person at the counter ‘that look,’ She just said ‘blame my father.'”
25.
“First it may seem funny, but do these folks realise they’re naming another person? I went to school with a Bowen Aro.”
I’m sorry, but I’m still stuck on Masa Kerr. Did your parents give you a no-good, terribly unfortunate name, or did you go to school with someone who had one? Drop ’em down in the comments.