18 Downright Tacky Weddings That Are Burned In People’s Minds For All The Wrong Reasons

11.

“I attended a disaster of a wedding this evening. From start to not-even-finish because I left early, it was a mess. I knew nothing coming into this wedding aside from the time and place. That was the only information given on the invitation, and there was no wedding website to get more information. It turns out that it was an outdoor wedding on a humid, 95°, sunny afternoon (I thought it was indoors because I had looked up the venue). People wore shorts, tees, and slip-ons, while others wore floor-length gowns. One lady was in a full white dress. The ceremony started, or at least I thought. I couldn’t hear much over the eight children there who screamed through the entire thing. Parents, of course, didn’t intervene. The ceremony went fairly smoothly, although the personal vows were oddly disturbing.”

“Cocktail hour started, and there were no directions on what to do, so I followed the herd to the bar line. At this point, I was drowning in my own sweat, and all I wanted was water. I wasn’t paying attention to the people before me because I was busy fighting off flies. When it was my turn in line, I asked for water. The bartender said, ‘You got it. $2.00.’ I looked up and I saw the sign. No free beverages — period. Not even water. I took a second to internalize and pulled out my card. The man said, ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. We operate with cash only.’ Thank GOD I had some cash in my purse from a Facebook Marketplace sale. 

I sat and waited for dinner. I had little interest in socializing because I felt sick from the heat. Eventually, dinner started. The tables were dismissed as usual, and I got to the buffet line. It looked like such homey food, yum! Then I realized it was, in fact, homemade. No problem, who doesn’t love a home-cooked meal? Me when there are FLIES ALL OVER THE FOOD. Seriously, all up in the food. I took the smallest amount possible to be polite. I was so hungry and desperate that I did take a few bites. Within hours, I was creating jobs for local plumbers. 

I barely knew the bride and groom. I knew the bride about four years ago, but we were more acquaintances, and I went to the same school as the groom. Not sure why I made the list, but there were a lot of people there. 

Next was dessert! Can’t mess up dessert, right? Wrong. So wrong. Flies were on the dessert, as expected by now. But how was I supposed to eat the dessert? There were no plates, napkins, forks, or anything. The buffet equipment has been cleared. So I watched as people walked around holding dessert in their hands.

During all of this, there was also drunken family drama and kids still screaming and making ginormous messes. 

Next were the speeches. At this point, I just started taking notes for this post. There were six speeches in total, and one of them was actually good! Sweet, heartfelt, funny. I forgot where I was for a second. The rest…roasts, an angry bride, and a brother started a fight with the groom. And I mean a literal fight. I couldn’t hear what it was about above the screaming kids and the groom’s lack of front teeth. All I gathered was that it had something to do with the bride. The fight got taken to the lawn, and when people gathered to assist, I slipped out and came home. I genuinely don’t feel like this was real life. Like this had to be a practical joke, right?? I may politely decline invitations that I have no information about moving forward.”

—According-Citron-825