1.
In the early 1900s, Paris-based tailor Franz Reichelt claimed to have invented a wearable parachute. He believed in his invention so much, in fact, that he sought to test it by leaping off the Eiffel Tower. On February 4, 1912 — despite prior tests with dummies yielding unsuccessful results and warnings from his friends not to be a dummy himself — Reichelt lept off the Tower’s first platform wearing his parachute suit. The parachute failed to deploy, and he plummeted nearly 200 feet to his death. The entire episode was filmed, and it’s believed to be the first death caught on camera.
2.
In 1983, Michael Anderson Godwin was convicted of raping and murdering a 24-year-old woman and sentenced to death by electric chair, but his conviction was later overturned on appeal, and he received a life sentence instead. Quite the break for Godwin (assuming he liked breathing and not having 2,000+ volts of electricity pumped through his body). However, six years later, Godwin made the mistake of trying to repair a pair of earphones connected to his television. Seated naked on the metal toilet in his cell, Godwin bit into a live wire to fix the device — and accidentally electrocuted himself. How’s that for irony? After having escaped the electric chair, Godwin couldn’t escape the, shall we say, electric toilet.
3.
Ever heard of “death by beard”? It happened to Hans Steininger, a 16th-century Austrian mayor famous for having a long beard. His beard was so long, in fact, that it could be stretched out to nearly five feet, and he typically kept it rolled up in a leather pouch. (RIP Hans, but you were a weird dude.) On September 28, 1567, a big fire broke out in his town. In the panic, Steininger forgot to secure his beard in his little leather pouch, and while running around trying to help the situation, he tripped over his beard, fell down a flight of stairs, broke his neck, and died. (That’s not Steininger below; it’s an early 19th-century man named Zach T. Wilcox who once held the record for the world’s longest beard, but Steininger’s beard probably looked like this one.)
What the heck…while we’re on the subject of long beards, take a look at this wild photo. It’s of Hans Lang, who holds the Guinness World Record for the longest natural beard for a male — his beard measured 17.6 ft long! For the record, he died naturally at age 81 of non-beard-related causes.
4.
Garry Hoy, a lawyer in Toronto, was known for his confidence in the structural integrity of his office building’s windows. On July 9, 1993, while giving a tour to a group of students, Hoy attempted to demonstrate the unbreakable nature of the floor-to-ceiling glass by throwing himself against it — a stunt he had successfully performed numerous times before. Tragically, during this demonstration, the window frame gave way, and both Hoy and the glass pane plummeted from the 24th floor, leading to his immediate death upon impact. The structural engineer Bob Greer commented on the incident, stating, “I don’t know of any building code in the world that would allow a 160-pound man to run up against a glass window and withstand it.”
5.
During the Civil War — on May 9, 1864 — Union General John Sedgwick’s troops were under fire from Confederate sharpshooters. Observing his men seeking cover, Sedgwick, confident in their safety, reportedly declared, “They couldn’t hit an elephant at this distance.” Almost immediately, a bullet struck Sedgwick under the left eye, killing him. If I’m ever in a situation like that, I will say something different, like, “They couldn’t deliver us a gift basket of freshly baked cookies at this distance.”
6.
Adolf Frederick, the King of Sweden, was infamous for his over-the-top eating. On February 12, 1771, the king (who in another life would have been a famous Mukbang streamer) partook in an extravagant meal comprising lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, smoked herring, and champagne. The feast culminated with 14 servings of his favored dessert, semla, a sweet roll served in hot milk. In case you sped over that last sentence, let me repeat: HE HAD 14 SERVINGS OF DESSERT!!! This pig-out session led to severe digestive complications (shocker), resulting in his death. He is now often referred to in history books as “The King Who Ate Himself to Death.“
7.
In 2022, Aaron Henderson, a 40-year-old father of three, was at his job at a landfill in Florida, where he directed dump truck traffic (among other tasks). As the workday ended, he slipped into a portable toilet on-site to relieve himself. At the same time, a co-worker operating a bulldozer was trying to park it for the evening. Due to the elevated position of the bulldozer’s blade — raised approximately 3 to 4 feet off the ground — the operator’s forward view was obstructed, and he didn’t see the portable toilet. Horribly, he drove over the portable toilet, crushing Henderson inside. Emergency responders raced to help…but Henderson was pronounced dead at the scene.
8.
In 1871, Clement Vallandigham, a famous American lawyer known for his dramatic courtroom demonstrations, was defending a client accused of murder. To illustrate his theory that the deceased had accidentally shot himself, Vallandigham brought a similar firearm into the courtroom and, while demonstrating what he thought happened, inadvertently discharged the weapon, killing himself. Tragic, yes, but there was a bright side to this. Vallandigham’s demonstration was so convincing that it introduced reasonable doubt, and his client was acquitted.
9.
In October of 1601, prominent Danish astronomer Tycho Brahe attended a formal banquet in Prague, which, I’m assuming, had quite the assortment of libations. Brahe was a stickler for courtly etiquette — which dictated that leaving the table before the host was considered impolite — so he remained seated despite desperately needing to relieve himself. This led to a bladder ailment, believed to be a ruptured bladder or uremia, which proved fatal eleven days later. So, go when you gotta go, folks! (Interestingly, a DNA study of one of his hairs suggests another possible cause of death — mercury poisoning.)
10.
Around 206 BC (as the story goes), ancient Greek philosopher Chrysippus of Soli saw a donkey eating figs and joked that someone should give the animal wine to wash them down. This may not have been the funniest joke ever told, but Chrysippus sure acted like it was, bursting into uncontrollable laughter. He laughed so hard, in fact, that he collapsed and died! If laughing to death isn’t embarrassing enough, to this day, people are going, “He died from that joke? THAT JOKE?!.”
11.
Roman Emperor Valerian was the first Roman emperor to be taken captive in battle — by the Persian emperor Shapur I after the Battle of Edessa — and things only got worse from there. It’s believed that during his captivity, Valerian was forced to suffer incredibly humiliating indignities, including being used as a human footstool by Shapur. Eventually, Valerian was killed, his body was flayed, and his skin was displayed as a trophy. Damn. After hearing this one, I think I’d prefer to laugh myself to death.
12.
British daredevil Bobby Leach became famous in 1911 as the second person to survive a plunge over Niagara Falls in a barrel. The stunt left him significantly injured, but he recovered. Years later, while on a publicity tour in New Zealand in 1926, Leach slipped on an orange peel and fractured leg. Gangrene set in, and the leg needed to be amputated. Complications from the surgery ensued, and he ultimately succumbed to his injuries. How’s that for the unpredictability of life and death? The man survives one of the most dangerous stunts possible, then dies because of an orange peel.
13.
Renowned detective Allan Pinkerton faced a lot of danger in his line of work, but he met his demise in a shockingly simple way. In 1884, while walking on a sidewalk in Chicago, he slipped and bit his tongue severely. Pinkerton neglected to seek immediate medical attention (you’d think a detective would have picked up on the clue that the immense pain meant he needed help), and the wound became infected, leading to gangrene. He died from infection on July 1, 1884.
14.
King Pyrrhus of Epirus was known for his military campaigns against Rome (giving rise to the term “Pyrrhic victory”), but he met an unforeseen demise in 272 BC. During a street battle in Argos, as he engaged in combat, an elderly woman threw a roof tile from a rooftop that smacked Pyrrhus right atop his head. No, he didn’t die from being hit by a roof tile — but when he looked up to see where it came from, he was stunned by an enemy soldier who fatally stabbed him. Sounds like, in the game of life, Pyrrhus lost the battle AND the war.
15.
According to legend, Aeschylus — the father of tragedy in ancient Greek theater — died because an eagle, mistaking his bald head for a rock suitable for shattering tortoise shells, dropped a damn tortoise on him, resulting in a fatal injury! For Aeschylus’ sake, I hope this is just legend and not true because, “Ouch!” (Sounds like how someone would die in Super Mario Bros., huh?)
16.
And lastly, about 2,500 years ago, Empedocles, a philosopher from Sicily famed for his theories on the four classical elements, supposedly died in a way I wouldn’t put past some of our current world leaders. Legend has it that Empedocles leaped into the active volcano Mount Etna to prove he was divine, intending to reappear as an immortal being. And he did! He emerged as an eternal God and now lives in Akron, OH. Just kidding, he was burned alive by the molten lava. Well, folks, here’s hoping writing this hasn’t doomed me to my own absolutely ridiculous death, like dying taking a BuzzFeed quiz.
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