11 Married Couples Shared How Often They Have Sex, And Some Have Been Together For Decades

Trudie, married 26 years 

“Not enough, to be frank. Maybe once a month. And I think there’s a stigma that it’s always the female, but that’s not the case. My husband is older, and I think that has a lot to do with it.

“It’s really frustrating for me. I have a lot of empathy toward him because I’ve known him so long, but as a female, it doesn’t make me feel attractive or womanly. I’ve explained that to him, and he assures me it has nothing to do with me. I’ve even asked if he wants to have sex with someone else, and he assures me it’s nothing like that. I just feel neutral, like I’m just one of the guys. 

“I think that’s why a lot of couples split up. You hear their kids go to college and they have time together, and so many people split up. I was always like, ’That’s so weird. I’ll never do that. But I kind of get it now. Now, in this situation, I kind of get it.” ―Trudie 

Lara and Clark, married 30 years 

“We met when I was 16 and he was 17, got married a week and a half after my 18th birthday and I got pregnant with our first child about a month later [laughs]. We have a great sex life when we can have sex. I would say we probably only have sex about five times a month. If it’s a particularly good month, we’ll have it a few times a week. 

“We’re less inhibited now than I’d say even when we were a good 10–15 years into our marriage. I think we were both pretty insecure with ourselves and even somewhat within our relationship. Since we had kids so quickly after we got married, we didn’t really have that time to get to know each other. So I think for a lot of years we were still very insecure. Then there was a time a few years ago where we both were like, ‘You know what? Enough.’ We’ve been married a long time at this point; we can be open. So we started sharing a lot more of our desires and maybe our fantasies and that sort of stuff. I think it’s made our sex life much more comfortable.” —Lara 

Michael and Randall, together 41 years, married five

“Sexual activity is at least twice a week. Randy would prefer more; our joke is that Michael would prefer Christmas and birthdays. I think there is always one who wants sex more than the other. It can’t be a deterring factor, and since retirement, it’s more often now. We personally think we still have incredible sex, as good or better as in the beginning. 

“We do little things for each other. We live in a lush floral area in Portugal, so a simple flower from the garden, a little odd or end when out shopping. At a certain age, one realizes we have all we need. Just a little love and affection toward each other is the greatest gift. 

“If you truly love someone, you work it out. Randy had a terrible auto accident, took several years to recuperate, and with all the drugs, sex was pretty far and few between for Randy. But you work through it. Then a father with Parkinson’s, now a mother with dementia, building a new house, life’s stresses, work, life, family, you thank one of the 5,000 gods for the gift of finding each other. You support and love through thick and thin.” —Michael 

Sex Ed for Grown-Ups is a series tackling everything you didn’t learn about sex in school — beyond the birds and the bees. Keep checking back for more expert-based articles and personal stories.

This post originally appeared on HuffPost.