Women Who Are Married But Regret It Are Revealing How They’re Navigating Things

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“I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years, and we have one child. He’s a good man, but I find myself wishing I didn’t marry him. When we were dating, he always had a job, but as soon as we got married, he let me take the lead on EVERYTHING. We both got our college degrees in our mid-20s, but I worked full time while taking night classes, and he became a full-time student. After working a job for two years, he quit (without discussion) and decided to start his own business. I had to find a way to pay all the bills, sometimes working two jobs while taking care of the kid and home, managing my mental health from all the stress AND having to keep his spirits up and reassure him that ‘no he doesn’t suck as a man,’ even though he didn’t pay a single bill or even help around the house.”

“He finally got a part-time job, but still, everything is left up to me to decide or do. When he started his own business, he told me to stop filing taxes because he would do them. It’s been almost a decade, and nothing has been filed. I regret marrying him as HE is my biggest expense. He spends so much money on weed — even when we’re down to our last $20, he’ll use $10 to buy weed. He complains that he has no friends or wants to make more money, but he refuses to get therapy. He makes little to NO plans; if I don’t find something for us to do, nothing gets done. He’s an awesome person and a great dad, but in my heart, I know he’s dragging my quality of life so far down. I’m terrified of what the future will hold, and I have panic attacks knowing that when we get old, everything will continue to fall on my shoulders. I secretly hope he passes away first, just so I get a chance to fly on my own, but only if I’m physically healthy enough to enjoy it. I would miss and grieve him terribly because he’s my best friend, but he’s not a partner. I navigate by just not talking about it because therapy with/without him or discussing it just makes him feel like a failure, and nothing changes. He isn’t horrible enough for me to feel justified in breaking up our home life, and I would worry about how he’d survive without me. I’d probably have to pay him alimony!”

—Anonymous, 41