Women Are Sharing Their Experiences With Self-Proclaimed “Nice Guys” Whose Behavior Turned Scary When They Didn’t Get Their Way

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“I dated a self-proclaimed older ‘nice guy’ in his 30s. He had this sad past, which he would tell women to lure them in, and it worked on me. When we are naive, we want to rescue men with our love. He was sweet at first, but slowly he started calling me names and throwing things at me. Then things escalated with controlling and manipulating behaviors. He had me so off balance. He was trying to destroy my confidence and make me dependent on him. Eventually, he became violent, and after a terrible evening out (he started a fight at a restaurant, and the police were called), he came to my house angry because I didn’t lie for him to the police. He punched out my windshield, kicked in my door, and stole my phone so he could call my mom and ‘tell her what a whore I was.’ Then it got physical, and I had to beg for him to leave. But before he left, he screamed at me, ‘I fucked so many girls when I was with you that I hope I gave you HIV.'”

“He was the most cruel person I had ever met. I didn’t know people could be that awful. Maybe a month later (after trying desperately to recover), I was out at a bar, and he showed up while I was hanging out with mutual friends. He came over to hit on a girl next to me, and I overheard him say, ‘A nice guy like me would never have a chance with you.’ It was actually laughable, but it was his game. Women fell for it over and over again. I wish I had told people how awful he was, but I didn’t want to poke the bear. I just wanted to be free of him. I didn’t want him to come back for me because there was no telling how far he would go. 

I ran into him a few times at jobs in our industry, and he would smile and try to charm me, but I knew all too well the person he was. I had to act like I wasn’t scared. Then I moved away, and years later, I returned for a wedding reception. He was there, and he approached and asked to hug me. I was polite. He then emailed me afterward and asked me to go get coffee with him (he had a serious girlfriend at the time). Are you kidding? I don’t understand the ego of these ‘nice guys’ who believe we would ever return to them. He liked to have as many women as he could, and thought he could add me to the lineup again. He is still single now and leaving a wake of destruction for women along the way. Beware of guys who tell you they are nice guys; a real nice guy will just show you.”

—Anonymous