Why Christmas Can Be So Disappointing (And What To Do About It)

’Tis the season for peace and goodwill – and an awful lot of let-downs. 

Speaking to HuffPost UK, BACP-certified therapist Lina Mookerjee of Praxis Therapy said the season makes her consider the “forces at play in shaping our beliefs about how Christmas should be experienced, and how different these expectations often are from the reality we encounter.” 

And Roya Royle, a therapist at Talking Art studio (who is also BACP-certified) said that “Christmas disappointment” can happen for a range of reasons. 

Here, the therapists shared their thoughts on what can make the holidays so disenchanting and what, if anything, we can do about it. 

Why can Christmas be so disappointing?

Expectations are artificially high

Mookerjee said that, “Much of media and advertising thrives on tapping into human fears and insecurities, presenting us with products, lifestyles and images that supposedly define a ‘successful’ Christmas”. 

But she doesn’t necessarily think that failing to meet these standards is always the reason we feel let down come the big day. Often, it’s “because what we were led to believe would make us happy does not, in fact, do so.

“At the heart of this is the difference between using an external locus of evaluation and an internal locus of evaluation to make sense of our experience,” she added.

An “external locus” could be your family, social media, your friends, or simply cultural expectations.

“These expectations are also frequently motivated by attempts to avoid, manage or soothe fear, rather than by an attunement to what truly nourishes us – such as genuine connection, communion, and the sharing of time and attention through presence, not presents.” 

Then, there’s the issue of memories

While Royle agrees that “expectations can play a part”, she said, “I don’t think that’s the whole story with Christmas disappointment”. 

Even unrealistic expectations often “come from a good place,” the therapist added. Sometimes, feelings of disappointment come from trauma instead.

“I often encourage [clients] to think about what was happening during a Christmas that felt difficult. Christmas has a strong sensory presence. The smells, sounds and sights are everywhere, and it’s hard to avoid them.

“Even if someone isn’t consciously thinking about a loss or a trauma, their body may be responding to it. People can find themselves reacting in ways that feel familiar from that time, without always understanding why.” 

But good memories can make us feel a little deflated by comparison, too, she added. 

After all, we “make Christmas feel especially exciting for children, and those early experiences can stay with us.

“The sense of anticipation that came with believing in Santa and/or waiting for something magical can still live in the body long after we’ve stopped wanting toys or expecting that kind of magical surprise.”