What I Wish I’d Known About “Gentle Parenting” Before I Used It With My Kid

“He’s very hard on himself,” my 11-year-old’s teacher said during our first-semester conference, “and often this frustration brings him to tears.” 

We sat in a weird quiet as my son’s teacher filled the space with an apologetic smile — a small consolation for what felt like my big parenting fail. I sank further down into my kid-sized seat as my brain scrambled to give a valid reason for my son’s stress. Instead of words coming out of my mouth, I managed a nod and more silence. 

I knew what she was saying: My son struggles with perfectionism and this pressure was creating fear and nervousness during class. Finally, I offered, “Yes, it’s something we’re working on.” She held my gaze letting me know she understood I was aware, and the conference moved on from there. What I couldn’t move on from was the nagging feeling I didn’t totally understand how we got here. 

When I was a pregnant person resting my swollen feet and trying not to pee on myself, I did a little research. Ultimately, I figured it would be my child’s temperament and his in-the-moment needs that informed my parenting, but I wanted to lay good groundwork. After talking with my husband, we decided a gentle parenting approach would be a good place to start. 

Basically, this parenting method uses clear boundaries and kindness instead of ye olde “I’m the boss of you” attitude to help kids move through emotions. The Children’s Hospital of Chicago said a recent study revealed that approximately 74% of millennial parents practice this style of guiding children with a mix of compassion and boundaries. With stats like these, how could we go wrong?