The thing about long-term relationships is that no matter how much you love each other, you’re also bound to get on each other’s nerves from time to time. Like, yes, you are my favorite person on Earth, and of course I would die for you, but why are you chewing so loudly right now???
Well, recently on Reddit, a woman shared that she was shocked to discover her husband had been talking about her behind her back in a way that took things way, way too far.
In her post, the 30-year-old woman shared that her 32-year-old husband of four years has a secret group chat with his friends where he calls her a deeply unflattering nickname. She wrote, “Last weekend, he left his iPad unlocked and I accidentally saw his notifications. Turns out he and three of his closest friends have a private group chat where they joke about their wives. Except it wasn’t funny. My husband calls me ‘the warden.'”
I repeat, her husband calls her “the warden.”
She said the chat contains: “Screenshots of my texts reminding him to pick up groceries. Comments like ‘the warden won’t let me stay out late tonight.’ Even jokes about me ‘checking his phone.'”
She went on to say, “The thing is, I never once told him he couldn’t go out. I never demanded to see his phone. All those things he wrote were lies just to look cool in front of his friends. When I confronted him, he laughed and said it’s ‘just guy humor’ and I was being too sensitive.”
Finally, she shared how seeing these texts has made her see her husband in a different light. “But I can’t stop thinking that my husband would rather lie about me than just admit to his friends that we have a normal relationship. Now I don’t know what hurts more, the fact that he called me names or the fact that he needed to invent a controlling version of me to keep up his image.”
In the comments, people have a lot of thoughts about the situation:
Some people shared similar stories, like this user who wrote, “Just a heads up, an ex did this and turned out he would cheat on me whenever he hung out with those same guys. This was to cover his cheating ass, as I was ‘so horrible’ to be around that they never ratted him out.”
Another person shared, “My husband does the same, but I’m ‘the boss’ and not ‘the warden’, so I guess it’s a little better? Honestly, I don’t mind. We’ve been married for eight years and have been together for 12. When I first noticed his joking about my ‘nagging’ (he does in front of me and probably when I’m not around too) when we were out with friends. I asked him later if that was how he truly felt, and he said it wasn’t; he was just joking. He uses me as an excuse any time he doesn’t want to do something, and I do the same.”
Men also chimed in, like this guy who wrote, “As a man, this is so disrespectful from the word go. You never talk about your wife or spouse like that, especially to friends! When you are married, you are supposed to lift one another up and talk highly about each other and show love and respect to your spouse, and never talk down to them in front of other people. That’s just straight disrespect that you should not tolerate whatsoever!”
And petty people shared how they would respond: “I would simply tell the wives of the other men, screenshots and all, but from your husband’s phone. Just to see how he likes being lied on or about. Then I would stop doing all the things ‘the warden’ does, and simply care for myself. ‘Oh, sorry, the warden in me said to just get food for myself, she doesn’t want to pressure you,’ and act like that for as long as it takes to get the message across. You can either stand beside me and be proud of me, or stand behind me as I live my life how I want to.”
Now I’m curious what you think. Do you joke around like this about your relationship, or do you think it’s hurtful and a total dealbreaker? Share all your thoughts in the comments.