It’s one thing to imagine a situation, and it’s a whole other thing to actually live it. Most people have assumptions about what happens behind bars, but the truth may be different than what you’d expect. So, when an anonymous Quora user asked: “If you cry in jail/prison, do you get beat up?”, here is what former inmates said about shedding tears while incarcerated…
“One night, I was given the news that my mother had passed. It was exactly one year to the day that I had caught my time. I went back to my pod and tried to control my emotions. The other inmates happened to overhear my cries from the shower/bathroom stall. The next morning, one of my fellow inmates handed me a homemade condolence card signed by every single inmate in my pod. One by one, several even broke the rules and came into my pod to offer me a kind word of comfort. So, to answer your question, there are good people everywhere, and it matters little that they live in a prison cell or in a homeless shelter! Those men have no idea what their little act of kindness did for this hardened convict.”
“Just about every new guy that comes in sheds a tear. Hell, even some of the old timers cry at times. I know I did. It’s not the fact of being in prison, it’s more of the situation you put your family in. I left my wife and three daughters in a situation where everything was on her. We were lucky because her sister moved in with her and helped hold things down while I was gone. I was also very lucky that my wife stuck with me through almost a decade of prison. I walked out with a family, a house, car, and a job. Her father got me driving a forklift at a warehouse. I later moved on to retail management, but that’s a different story. So, no. Guys don’t get jumped or looked at as weak for crying. It happens to almost every convict.”
“No, sweetheart, you don’t get beaten up if you cry. I can only speak on the women’s prisons, but most of us have genuine emotions and are regular women who are caring, loving, ashamed, and regretful for getting ourselves into trouble. Being in jail is traumatic, regardless of your resolve and ability to be strong in the face of adversity. In addition to that, we might have times when our loved ones don’t answer our phone calls in a timely manner, and we get upset and cry. Or we are emotional about the traumatic events that have happened in our lives, that got us to where we were at that time when we were in jail or prison. Women cry all the time.”
“When I was in prison, I found out my best friend had been murdered. After I hung up the phone and walked away, someone asked, ‘Are you okay?’ I started crying. I told him, and everyone around heard it. Immediately, about 20 inmates circled around me and started praying for me and hugging me. Prison isn’t what movies and shit make it out to be. Plus, everyone loves telling the war stories, and that’s it. So, it makes it seem so much worse than it really is. Tbh, I met some amazing people in prison.”
“I was in a holding cell for about a day (charges were later dismissed and my record expunged). There were seven or eight other women in my cell, and I was just a blubbering mess. Quite literally the lowest point in my life. I couldn’t stop crying and shaking, and I had multiple panic attacks while in there. I didn’t know any of the other women in there, and I’ve never seen any of them again, but man, did they take care of me. Two of them gave up one of the benches, so I didn’t have to sleep on the floor. They kept offering me tissues (well, toilet paper), and I’ll never forget the woman who kept getting me cups of water because she was worried all the crying was going to dehydrate me.”
“No, unless you did something that affected the people around you. I’ve seen lots of guys cry in jail/prison for many different reasons, and they’re usually met with handshakes and empathy, not fists and fury. Inmates know they’re stuck in the same shitty situation as the other guy, which forms a mutual respect amongst each other. I’ve seen a gang member consult and give a Honey Bun to a newly incarcerated white guy who was crying his ass off after getting off the phone with his daughter. Most humans are empathetic, especially when it comes to the ‘SAD’ emotion.”
“Felons are funny people. Not funny, haha, but odd, different, strange. One minute, you think a guy would cut your heart out just for something to do, and the next minute, he might be making tea for a guy he doesn’t know, offering support, and just listening, letting him get a load off his mind. Now, if you were crying because someone took your dessert at chow hall, yeah, you’re probably gonna get a fat lip!”
“It all depends on what the person is crying about. If they’re crying about receiving a stupidly short sentence, then yes, they will not only be looked down upon but might also wind up getting beaten up. I witnessed this a few times with guys who came in doing short stints of around one to three years in state prison who acted like they received life. Others locked up, doing much longer stretches, had zero sympathy for them, with some going out of their way to make life a bit harder for them. On the other hand, in cases where an inmate has lost a family member or wife, they will not receive grief from those around them for crying, and most likely receive support and sympathy.”
“I worked at a jail for four or five years, and in many cases, inmates are very sympathetic to things like this. Many of them go through the same thing, so they understand what that is like. I’ve seen inmates give their last piece of food to someone else. I’ve seen a lot of bad things go on, but I also saw a lot of good things, believe it or not. They don’t forget who helped them while they were in there. It goes to show you just how much you should show people respect, no matter what their condition is.”
And lastly: “No. While I was in prison, I remember a day when a well-liked guy was called out of our unit by a guard. When he came back, you could see that he had obviously been crying. He went to his cell, and you could hear him sobbing and crying. Word quickly got around that his teenage daughter had been killed in a traffic accident. It was incredibly sad because he had to mourn the loss of his daughter while being locked up and kept from his family. What I remember most is that all of the ‘tough guys’ of every race and background were kind and supportive. A lot of the guys checked in on him and gave him hugs. That was one of the sadder times I remember from my time in prison. This is not the only time I saw someone cry in prison, but it was the one I remember most clearly.”
Have you been to jail or prison? Is this accurate, or do you have any other misconceptions to add? If so, add it in the anonymous comments form below, and we may make a follow-up post!