“So Many Of Us Get It Wrong”: Email Etiquette Experts Are Begging You To Stop This Rude Email Habit

If you ask your connection with help brokering an introduction, you need to follow through on your request right away. It shows your enthusiasm, interest and that you don’t take this opportunity for granted, Schwalbe said. 

In our fictional example, this reply could look like: 

Hey Julia, 

I would love to talk to you about how to get into marine biology research. I really admire your career and would be happy to learn more about your journey over coffee or a phone call. That said, I completely understand if time doesn’t allow for this kind of conversation. If you are available, please let me know what times would be best in your schedule. 

Schwalbe said as the person requesting help, it is courteous to give the person helping you an additional opportunity to decline if they are busy. 

If the request is job-related, you could include a sentence like: “I would love to send you my resume, if you’d be willing to receive a copy,” Schwalbe said. Don’t send attachments or PDFs of your portfolio until you hear back because it can come off as presumptuous in a first email, Schwalbe said. 

If you don’t hear back, do not immediately follow up. Wait two weeks before bumping the email thread again and circling back with your connection broker after another two weeks of silence, as a general rule, Schwalbe said. This way, you give people enough time to respond if they are on vacation or busy. 

It’s polite to keep your broker posted, regardless of the outcome. “If something comes of it, the asker really should loop back,” Schwalbe said. “If somebody wants me to speak to somebody, and I speak to them, and I never hear back, it is slightly irritating.”

And even if you hear radio silence from your email recipient, you should tell your connector that you’re still thankful for the time they took to help you. You can say something like, “As it happened I didn’t hear back but I know how busy they are, and wanted you to know that even though nothing came of it, I really appreciate your desire to help me,” Schwalbe said. 

When you’re seeking help, be sensitive to how often you ask your broker for help. Unless they have given you permission to see their contact list as yours, “I think of it as kind of one-and-done,” Schwalbe said. In other words, you cannot ask your connector for help with an introduction and ask for their help again with a different contact two weeks later. 

Recognize that not everything needs to be an email.