People Who Divorced After 20+ Years Of Marriage Are Sharing Why They Finally Left, And It’s A Lot

16.

“She gave me the ‘I love you, but I’m not in love with you’ speech and said she knew, without a doubt, that she could never be in love with me again. She would not explain how she knew and rejected marriage counseling. We agreed we would not stay in a loveless marriage for the kids’ sake. We had seen friends try that, and it was disastrous. So I said it sounded like the only outcome was divorce. We had just moved and didn’t yet have residency, so I couldn’t file for several months. She moved out immediately. From my perspective, we had an objectively good marriage — no fights, similar views on kids, money, religion, and politics — but it had grown stale under the demands of two full-time jobs and three kids. From the outside, it probably looked great. I never got her real perspective. Months later, I learned the proximal cause was her years-long affair and the fact that her affair partner had agreed to leave his wife and kids.”

“I believe I was a good husband. I supported her career and did more than 90% of the domestic and child labor. But after 20 years, she no longer felt the butterflies — unlike with the affair partner.

She was never an affectionate or enthusiastic mother and ultimately did not like living a life where the needs of the children weighed on the marriage. Now, the ex-spouses do most of the child care, while she and her partner live a largely child-free life filled with travel, luxury clothing, concerts, and freedom.

I think she ultimately got what she wanted from the divorce. Maybe she wanted these things all along, and I just did not know. Since I was running the household, I set the tone and values. If she had ever said something like, ‘Let’s pull the kids out of school for a week to go to Cancun,’ maybe we could have had an honest conversation about priorities. But that never happened.”

—u/InvoluntaryGeorgian