I consider myself a content single woman; after spending over a decade in a committed relationship, the past few years of flying solo have been nothing short of restorative for me. Unbridled by anything or anyone for the first time in my adult life, I decided to take a leap into the unknown and move to Korea for a year. I proclaimed it my Eat, Pray, Love era: a time to be deliciously untethered.
What surprised me during this time was that I suddenly got the itch to date again. Yes, the well-coiffed men I regularly passed on the streets certainly played a part in this rekindled desire, but also, Korea is such a coupled-up culture — which is especially evident in a crowded city like Seoul, where you bump into people everywhere you go.
I’ve lived in many cities throughout my life, but I have never felt more *aware* of my relationship status as I did while living in Seoul. Walk down the block and you’ll see countless couples holding hands and linking arms.
In fact, let’s start there: PDA.
PDA is more PG-rated, but overt in Korea. If two people are romantically involved in any way, it’s pretty obvious (i.e., the aforementioned hand holding and arm linking). In America, you can pass two lovers on the street, and you might not be able to tell whether they’re friends or colleagues.
Couples in Korea also dress alike at times. Think: Matching sweaters, sweatshirts, tees, and sneakers (you know, if you’re trying to be subtler). People also customize matching accessories like rings, bracelets, and even phone cases. My dear friend once started seeing a guy, and by their second or third date, they had matching Mickey Mouse phone cases.
It’s also common to see guys carrying bouquets of flowers on their way to dates. As such, floral shops are a dime a dozen in Seoul.
Then, there are the various couples’ holidays sprinkled throughout the year, like White Day on March 14th, which is when men reciprocate the gifts they received from women on Valentine’s Day.
Another couple-centric holiday that’s specific to Korea? 100 days or “백일” (baek-il).
Whereas in the US, milestones are usually measured by the year, in Korea, many couples celebrate their first 100 days together. 100 days is considered noteworthy in new relationships and is thus celebrated by exchanging gifts like matching rings.
Korea is also the land of aesthetic cafes that are great for dates: kitschy, cozy, modern, cat-themed, bagel-centric, single story converted Hanoks and modern multi-level spaces, in the middle of bustling streets and perched along the perimeter of parks and the Han River. There is no shortage of places to catch a vibe with a view (with a side of caffeine or alcohol).
And since many adults still live with their families at home, you often see couples cuddling at these cafes, some of them even watching movies on a laptop at their tables.
Speaking of vibes with views, you can’t visit Seoul without making a stop at the Han River. I’ve lived by many notable bodies of water throughout my life — from the Hudson River in New York to the Mississippi River in New Orleans — but the Han River is something else. I think part of the magic comes from how lively it is.
Right as you exit the nearest subway station to the river, there are stalls where you can rent mats, folding chairs, and little tables. They even have cute neon lamps in various shapes like hearts that you can add to your tablescape because, again, Koreans really do love a vibe. Complete your romantic picnic date with some convenience store snacks and drinks (my go-to is a bag of Corn Chips and an ice-cold can of Cass beer) and if you want something heartier, you can stop at any of the dozens of carts lined up along the path selling everything from ddukbokki to fried chicken.
Want some background music? There’s almost always a moody busker nearby crooning covers of Bruno Mars, along with classic K-Pop ballads. In short, the Han River is romantic AF. It’s no wonder it’s often shown in K-Dramas.
Another famous spot for couples? Namsan Tower. Popularized by Korean dramas and movies throughout the years, it’s often overrun with tourists, sure, but for good reason: the panoramic views of Seoul are swoonworthy. For couples, there’s a tradition of attaching padlocks to the chain-linked fences that surround the base of the tower. (Friends partake in the tradition, too.)
Matching clothes aside, perhaps the biggest cultural difference I noted about dating culture in Korea is that they’re much faster to define the relationship.
This brings me to the three date rule. In the US, it’s standard to stay in the talking phase with someone for weeks or even months at a time. In Korea, if you make it to the third date, there’s an implication that you want to make things official. This further explains why there are so many couples.
Of course, I don’t think that Seoul is actually any more or less obsessed with dating than most cultures, but it can certainly seem that way at first glance.
Over time, I’ve come to realize that a part of this is due to the large proportion of people who continue to live with their parents well into adulthood. This creates a need for couples to spend time together in public places like malls, parks, and coffee shops, as opposed to, say, having a night in at one partner’s home.
Public displays of affection might be more out of necessity than anything else. In short, if you’re visiting Seoul, expect to push past many (many) lovey-dovey couples on the streets.
Singles awareness aside, I absolutely loved living on my own in Seoul. It’s super safe, easy to navigate, and there’s so much you can do, see, and eat — yes, even alone. It’s not surprising that TripAdvisor ranked Seoul as the number one best city for solo travel last year.
Truly, Seoul has plenty of activities for you to enjoy — and boy did I enjoy them all. If anything, seeing all of the cute couples around just made me more open to the idea of dating again. Perhaps it could be fun to enjoy some of these same activities with a (handsome, funny, and kind) man?
This, again, is surprising to me, given how much I’ve delighted in my own peaceful company over the last few years. But as my friend would often exclaim when we’d pass couples on the streets together, “I love love!” And you know what? I suppose I do, too.
I’m headed back to Korea in a few months, so maybe this next era will include some romance? We can call it Eat, Sip, Vibe Together: The Sequel (or something else).