I Was Desperate To Save My Marriage. So I Turned To Swinging.

Note: Names have been changed for privacy.

I was 21 when I got married. Young, starry-eyed, and ready to take on the world. Curt, who I met in college, was 23, a junior when we met. I was so young and innocent when we decided to get married, but of course, if you asked me back then, I would have told you I was ready for marriage. 

Fast-forward 20 years later. We had everything we were supposed to want: stable careers, a cozy home, and a wonderful child. But then, one night, my husband looked at me and said the words that changed everything:

“I feel like something’s missing.”

Cue my problem-solving instincts kicking in. I booked a marriage counselor immediately, thinking, okay, we’ll talk it out, we’ll figure out what is going on. But in session after session, Curt kept saying the same thing: There was no big problem, but he craved excitement. And that’s when the therapist suggested something…unconventional.

“Have you considered opening up your marriage?”

Now, here’s a fun plot twist — this wasn’t our first rodeo. Back in our 20s, we dabbled in swinging. (Shoutout to Adult Friend Finder, which, back then, was the social media equivalent of sending messages via carrier pigeon — SLOW.) So, knowing what that world was like, I figured, why not? Let’s try it again.

Enter: Our mutual friend. You know, the one who’d come over with her kids for playdates? Yeah…things escalated quickly. At first, it was thrilling — new experiences, no strings, just fun. Until she and my husband fell in love.

That’s when it hit me: Curt wasn’t just looking for spice — he was chasing the feeling of falling in love. He was familiar with polyamory, so he suggested we give it a try.

I tried to be open. I really did. I read all the books on polyamory, listened to the podcasts, and tried to wrap my head around the whole “love can be shared” thing. And while my brain could understand it, my heart? Not so much.

Polyamory wasn’t just an idea — it was an intrusion into my life. My marriage had always been just the two of us, and suddenly, it felt like our foundation had shifted.

So, in true experimental fashion, we took another approach: swinging, but this time, as a throuple. I actually loved the experience of meeting new people and exploring fantasies — without the emotional baggage. Being in a marriage my entire adult life left me questioning what else is out there that I haven’t experienced. 

And then, I met someone.