I Let My Neurodivergent 14-Year-Old Leave School. The Change In Her Has Been Extraordinary.

When I shared the reasoning behind this decision on Instagram, my DMs exploded with messages from thousands of parents quietly navigating the same issues. Watching their capable, intelligent children crumble and wondering if they’re the only ones considering alternatives. Many of them told me they feel like failures for even thinking about stepping outside the system.

But we’re not failing ― the system is.

This term, Maya has been “unschooling” in the truest sense. She completed a first aid and paramedic certification, trained as a barista and learned special effects makeup. She got a part-time job at a café, traveled to China to understand global sourcing and came with me to New York for real-world business learning. She’s been living, not just sitting at a desk.

The shift in her energy has been extraordinary. The constant stomach aches? Gone. The morning tears? Gone. The girl who couldn’t get out of bed is now asking what’s next.

Next year, she will start virtual school, which is 2 1/2 hours of live, curriculum-based learning with qualified teachers each day. Her afternoons are free for life skills, travel, hobbies, rest, and the kind of learning that wasn’t happening for her in a crowded classroom.

This is not homeschooling. It’s a modern educational pathway that prioritizes her nervous system safety as much as her curriculum. And it’s fully accredited, which matters when people ask (and they do ask): “But what about her future?”

The other main criticism I have received since sharing this decision on social media is that not every family can afford to make the same one. 

The virtual school Maya will be starting costs around $7,000 AUD annually, which is actually half the cost of Maya’s previous private school. With qualified teachers delivering curriculum in live virtual classrooms each morning, plus afternoon tutoring support available online, I also no longer need the private tutors we used to pay for separately. So for our family, the cost savings are significant. 

But kids and families also need access to alternative educational models that are free or low cost. As a single mother who works full-time, I also needed a solution that didn’t require me to suddenly become a teacher. The free distance education programs that exist in most Australian states typically require more parental involvement. Things like the flexibility to work from home, and to take Maya with me when I travel for work are also immense privileges that are disproportionately available to those with higher-income work.

And even when accessible alternatives to the mainstream educational model exist, parents with fewer resources are also the ones who are less likely to have the free time to spend finding and researching them.

Not all distance education is created equal, and finding the right fit took time. I found our solution by researching everything, including multiple virtual pathways and alternative schools. I even observed a friend in Bali’s trial at a Texas-based AI-led model offering two-hour daily programs. I ultimately chose a program based where we currently live so Maya could attend in-person meetups if she wanted to connect with classmates.

People have asked me if I’m worried about socialization. Here’s my answer: My daughter was surrounded by 1,200 students every day and felt completely alone. She was bullied, overlooked and exhausted. That’s not socialization; that’s survival.

Now she’s meeting people through work and travel, and actually having the energy to show up as herself. She’s learning to trust her body again. To recognize when she’s overwhelmed, and to learn when to say no. These are life skills that no test will ever measure.