1.
The person with the tiniest rug around:
2.
The person who is evidently in love with this specific corner of their house:
3.
The person whose burger is the size of a golf ball:
4.
The person whose cake came out juuuust a bit off:
5.
The person who learned a lesson as old as time:
6.
The person who got the pleasure of looking at this dude’s big ol’ noggin the entire show:
7.
The person whose mask is just a biiiiiit off:
8.
The person whose sandwich totally and completely deceived them:
9.
The person whose pizza is a spit in the face of all things cheesy and good:
10.
The person whose chicken wrap contained but a morsel of chicken:
11.
The person whose sweater is a breeding ground:
12.
The person who will enjoy exactly 13 fries:
13.
The person who now has an expensive piece of plastic:
14.
The person who gave the ground a wonderful Christmas gift:
15.
The person whose kids know the world is their canvas:
16.
The person who got a beautiful dress for a rotisserie chicken:
17.
The person whose sandwich is, quite simply, an affront to all that’s holy:
18.
The person whose TV FINALLY has some good texture:
19.
The person whose pizza has SEEN some things… terrible, terrible things:
20.
The person whose large is more like…a smarge:
21.
The person whose laptop got a sweet paint job:
22.
The person whose dinner is looking absolutely scrumptious:
23.
The person who gave a garbage man the most magical Christmas:
24.
The person whose airpod was frozen in time:
25.
The person who learned a valuable lesson about wood chipping today:
26.
The person whose instructions got taken very, very literally:
27.
The person with the absolute worst seat in the house:
28.
The person who straight up turned their AirPods to GOOP:
29.
The person who will only buy the creamed ice of the proletariat from now on:
30.
The person whose ice cream went missing:
31.
The person whose seafood boil got seafood spoiled:
33.
The person whose peas were clearly tampered with by the Easter Bunny:
34.
The person who got this sandwich for ANTS:
35.
The person whose sandwich is, quite simply, an affront to God:
36.
The person who must often get mistaken for a rabbit:
37.
The person who, I hope, learned a very important milkshake lesson:
38.
The person who will handle cumin like radioactive material from now on:
39.
The person who’d better savor every last bite of that there meatball:
40.
The person whose burrito might just be the saddest burrito my eyes have ever seen:
41.
The person whose iced tea is an absolute farce:
42.
The person whose upgraded lake view includes a view of some of nature’s most beautiful metal objects:
43.
The person whose expensive haircut came out just a bit uneven:
44.
The person who experienced true nugget tragedy:
45.
The person whose cobbler shall cobble no more:
46.
The person whose pizza laughs in the face of extra bacon:
47.
The person who asked for extra fries and got extra lies:
48.
The person whose retainer shall retain no more:
49.
The person who might not be able to buff that out of their ring:
50.
And the person whose rear end we must offer our prayers to: