39 Divorce Lawyers Just Spilled The Absolute Pettiest Stuff They’ve Seen Clients Do, And It’s B-R-U-T-A-L

27.

“Oh, where to begin? I’ve been doing divorces for about 15 years. One of my earlier ‘Did I go to law school for this?’ moments came while sitting in court arguing over Christmas mice figurines. They refused to split them because they were collectible as a set. This case was already a circus. The wife had spilled coffee grounds all over the house and stolen the broom so that the husband couldn’t clean it up. At one point, she moved all the furniture out. My client, the husband, was out for blood over the coffee grounds. It was only fitting that the circus continued at trial. The husband, my client, got on the stand and, after failing to tell me he had purchased a new truck during the pendency of the litigation, a big no-no, insisted he had not purchased a new truck.”

“When confronted by opposing counsel with written proof, including the finance paperwork with my client’s signature, showing the purchase of the new truck, my client doubled down, insisting he had not purchased a new truck. I asked for a brief recess, took my client outside, and asked him to explain to me, since he didn’t buy a new truck, how in the hell his signature had ended up on that finance paperwork. His response: He didn’t buy a new truck; he leased it. I hated them both. Some people deserve each other.”

—Anonymous