31 People Who Embarrassed Themselves In Public So Badly, They Nearly Vowed To Leave Town

7.

“My first overnight school trip, ninth grade, we went to NYC. It was a fun trip, except… So, a little fact about me is that I have Celiac disease, and I can’t do gluten. Another fun fact about me is that, as a teenager, I sometimes overlooked said fact. I remember we got Chinese food, which is a big no-no for the gluten impaired, and I also recall getting gelato. I’m also kind of lactose intolerant. Understandably, by the end of the night, I was a bit *gestures painful bloating.* We were staying at a hostel, and there were about eight or so of us in a room. Eventually, I was able to slumber off to a sweaty and uncomfortable sleep, but within the darkest hours of the night, it happened. A firework of gas clapped out of my ass cheeks, loud as a firecracker, violently waking me up.”

“There was a brief moment of shuffling and confusion from the bunk beds around me. It was all a blur, but I do remember this one girl straight shot up in her bed like a startled cartoon character, instinctively thinking it was gunfire.

It gets worse. I had to go; I had to fucking go BAD. I blacked out while climbing down from the bunk bed during a panicked fit of farts and shuffling over to the bathroom, but I do recall that when I got there, there was a cleaning lady in the middle of doing her work. I remember lingering, tensely lingering, and pouring with sweat — sweat from fear and an urgent need to evacuate every inch of my intestinal track.

Eventually, I worked up the nerve to tell this woman, who was simply trying to do her job, that I needed to use the bathroom. ‘Well, then go.’ ‘No, ma’am. I really need to use the bathroom.’ She said, I’m almost done. You can go inside.’ Ma’am, I don’t need to poop; I need to take a fucking SHIT. 

While we were having our little back and forth, two college-age guys happened to walk past. Their expressions of genuine sympathy and complete understanding of my situation are forever ingrained in my mind. Finally, I was able to get in. Luckily for me, there was a toilet at the end, right by a window, and I could begin. I won’t go into much detail about what happened in those moments, but I will say this: It’s still in the top five worst shits of my life. 

Now, there was a moment, there was a moment about midway through where all of a sudden I heard a voice — a voice from a person I did not hear come in due to the deafening percussions thundering out from below. ‘Maria?’ I did not answer, for I am not Maria.”

—kottock