17 Stories Of Wiiiiiiild Wedding Drama You Won’t Believe

16.

“Literally everything else in this wedding went well…save for the ceremony itself. So, for this story, you’re gonna need to know that I’m an amateur pianist and also a close family member of the bride, so I was asked to play a song dedicated to the bride and groom at the ceremony. This would be all well and good if not for who I’m shaming today: the officiant. This wedding has been planned for months; the officiant was selected by the church, but was given a list of how things were to go. I repeat SHE WAS TOLD WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN! We even gave out little pamphlets at the beginning of the event with what we were doing. So, the first part of the wedding goes pretty well, everyone walks in, they’re stunning, everyone is smiling. Then comes the officiant.”

“She was meant to welcome everyone before one of the family members of the groom came up to do an opening prayer. But by now you should know that’s not what happened. She starts talking about the happy couple, but calls the groom the wrong name. Okay, whatever, he has a kinda unique name; it happens. But the name that she calls him, I kid you not, is the name of the bride’s ex-husband. I will say at least the ex-husband’s name is technically in the groom’s actual name, but absolutely no one refers to him as that. Imagine you’re named ‘Gilbert’ but everyone calls you ‘Gill,’ and ‘Bert’ just so happens to be the name of your wife’s ex-husband. 

Anyway, we try to correct her quietly, but she doesn’t seem to hear us. Then she makes the mistake again. The groom is getting mad, so we correct her at a higher speaking volume. Y’all, she does this THREE TIMES. The third time, most of the wedding guests yelled out the correct name. 

We think the worst of it is over, but no, it’s just begun. As I listened to what she was saying, I picked up on A LOT of AI language, and since I could kind of see the book she was reading from where I was sitting, I could see that some of the pages were handwritten while others were printed. She started giving us a history lesson about the place they were getting married at some point during her speech, and at that point, I knew it was ChatGPT. I was more or less like, ‘Whatever, it’s just the welcome. The prayer will be soon, and then we can put this behind us.’ Yeah, the prayer never came. She skipped right to the vows. Literally everything that we practiced went out the window. 

The bride is trying SO hard to calm the groom down, but it’s clear she’s also pissed and just attempting to salvage this. They do their vows, and they’re beautiful, no complaints. But as they’re like midway through, I am approached from behind and told, ‘You’re up after the vows. Just try to get up on stage as quickly as possible so that she can’t start talking again.’ What a day to be the primary source of entertainment, aye? I try my best to do that, but I’m literally shaking with anxiety since I didn’t have any time to cool my nerves beforehand. 

I fucked up like eight ways to Sunday while playing, but it didn’t seem like anyone noticed since people still came up and complimented me after. That, or they were just nice enough not to mention it. And now I’m like, ‘Phew. Okay. Time for all the other family members to do their scripture reading we practiced, and we’re done.’ You already know that didn’t happen. She skips all the way to THE EXCHANGE OF THE RINGS! The SECOND TO LAST THING IN THE PROGRAM. The bride is the one that looks like she’s about to explode now, but the groom is comforting her. 

We’re finally able to make it through, but, of course, everyone’s upset. Especially the bride and groom. Some family members that were meant to do readings and prayers were complaining or crying a little. And yeah, the officiant was nowhere to be seen once the ceremony concluded. I’m pretty sure I didn’t even see her walk out. But knowing the couple, I’m 120% sure the bride, groom, or both tore into her.”

—Automatic_Pick_227